Dear Mom

Dear Mom,


On this special day of your birthday I want you to know how much I love you. You cannot understand how much I wish I could be home with you, Dad, and the rest of the family celebrating your amazing time here on earth. I hope that this letter will help a little in expressing how I feel when I think about you and everything you mean to me.

Dear Mom, thanks for always being there to remind me to be kind and patient to others. I know that you're not perfect and for some reason when growing up I expected you to be, but any woman that can bear, raise and educate twelve children is an amazing woman in my book. I hope that one day I'll be lucky enough as Dad was to find a beautiful girl to share my life and home with me.

Dear Mom, I take back what I said about being sad that I'm here and you're in Texas. I'm sorta glad that you're far away 'cuz I'm getting choked up right now and it's still embarrassing to me for you to see me cry. Maybe someday I'll be a big enough man that it won't be such a big deal.

Dear Mom, I'm sorry for all the times I got upset because you were right and I was wrong. I know now that you and Dad were doing what was best for me even though I was foolish enough to think that I knew it all back then. I am SO thankful that y'all didn't give up on me.

These days when I'm away at school and I see my friends who sometimes don't have a stable loving home, I'm reminded of much I'm grateful of everything you and Dad have done over the years. I know now that you are the perfect person to be my mother and I wouldn't ever trade you for anything in the world!


Dear Mom, I love you. Have I said that yet? I don't want you to see me cry, but I don't mind telling you that I love you. THAT doesn't bother me at all.

I used to think that it was part of growing up, this being "cool" and not talking to your parents about things, boy was I wrong. These days it bothers me when I call home and you're not there for me to tell you how my week went because you're out running errands, taking kids to doctors’ appointments, or any one of the million things you do while taking care of a large family. Silly how I used to be isn't it?


Dear Mom, WE LIKE YOU. I think that all my siblings would agree with me on this. You're pretty much our favorite person in the world. (Sorry Dad jk)

Honestly, I don't know what we would do without you. I still remember you patiently going over phonics with Jonathan and I back in Biloxi when we first started school. I remember hating it because I wanted to be outside playing; and me acting out because you insisted on us learning our alphabet before we could play. Good thing you didn't let me have my way or otherwise this letter might never have been written! To me, the inspiring thing is that over fourteen years later you are faithfully teaching the same subjects ,that I tried so hard to resist learning, to my younger siblings who are just now starting school. Mom, you're amazing!

It was your careful teaching that helped instill in me a love for learning, reading, and knowledge which has shaped who I am today. I know that you will continue to do a phenomenal job with the rest of my siblings’ education. Just remember that whenever you want a break to go on vacation all you have to do is call me and I'll come home and help watch the kids while you and Dad go take a cruise. The house will be fine. I promise you my eleven siblings and I won't throw any parties while yall are away. Haha


Dear Mom, Don't worry. There aren't any girls in my life right now that you don't know about. I didn't want to put this in here because I'm a guy, but I know it's important for moms to hear. Someday, when I meet a certain girl that I think is the one, I'll be sure to let you know so you can meet her. But that might be a while...your mom (Grandma) says "No girls until after college Michael" haha


Dear Mom, I want to let you know that school is swell. Everybody is super nice and I love meeting and talking to new people. Of course, I miss everyone at home a ton.


Dear Mom, I'm sorry this letter is so long, but you see, there is so much I could write to you about. I started off this letter not really sure what I was going to say. I hope I haven't written too much but in case you didn't know I'm a huge fan of yours. I suppose all letters eventually have to end somewhere through so I guess I'll just close this one with,


Dear Mom,

I love you.


Love, your oldest son,

Michael

Home from Afar: Looking Back

I recently realized that I've been in Tennessee for over a year. Thinking about that prompted me to write this. (that and it's 5am, I'm at the library and am sick and tired of homework lol)

It's hard to believe that its been this long.
When I left home last fall, I remember boarding the greyhound bus, watching my parents slowly slip out of sight as the bus pulled away from the station, and wondering if I had made a mistake.
I remember the girl in the bus who told me she was going to New York City to live with her boyfriend and how her mom cried as the bus left the terminal.
I remember the eighteen hours I spent on those buses, and how I vowed to never ride another bus for that long again in my life.
I remember my first night in Tennessee. I was so homesick that night.

I remember living out in the country and I kid you not, working in the fields, following a tractor, so that I would have gas money to drive into town so as to go job-hunting.

I remember moving into town and sleeping on the floor of an empty house.

I remember sleeping out of my car.

I remember going from the floor of an empty house and my car to what can only be described as the exact opposite thanks to some of the most giving people I've ever met.

I remember moving to Memphis and unfortunately making a lot of decisions I regret.

I remember finally figuring out, that just because you can do it, doesn't mean you have to do it.

I hope I've matured since then. I know I'm a different person from when I left a year ago.

These days, I can't help but laugh when I call home and my entire conversation with my little brother consists of me repeatedly saying something and him yelling "whaaaat?? I can't hear you!" sometimes I find the easiest thing to say that we both understand is "I love you sammy. I miss you" And yeah, maybe I was being a little more emotional than usual considering the fact that I had barely slept the night before, but there's something especially special when your three yr-old sister tells you she loves you on her own initiative.

This is what being the oldest of twelve kids means to me. It's knowing that you have eleven pairs of eyes watching you, wondering what you're going to do in that next situation. It's knowing that most likely they're going to try and do the exact same thing when they're faced with similar odds. It's knowing that, yes, it's a responsibility, but it's also a blessing, because you have those eleven other people cheering for you to succeed because they love you and look up to you. It's calling home and getting off the phone three hours later after talking to eleven to twelve different people, answering all the same questions over and over, but not minding one bit. It's visiting your family for the first time since you left, seeing how much everyone's grown up, and realizing that you're missing out a little on their lives. It hurts. It's suddenly realizing that you aren't embarrassed anymore to be seen out in public with your family, because you now know what truly counts.

I could go on, but I'm sure you get the gist of what I'm trying to say. Never let go or forget the important things in life. For me, family is more important than almost anything else. I'm daily reminded of this as I go about life.

If you were to ask me to tell you something about myself, I'd probably point you here.

This is what I value.

This is home to me.

Artist Spotlight: Olàfur Arnalds

Olàfur Arnalds

Icelandic composer and multi-instrumentalist

http://www.last.fm/music/%C3%93lafur+Arnalds

Wikipedia Page

He has also collaborated with Heaven Shall Burn in these pieces:

This New Beginning

One thing I'm struck by as I walk around campus is the diversity of the people around me. I've spent so much time away from large groups like this, that I'm still getting used to seeing this many different faces at one time in one place.

It's times like these when I start to think about their individual lives. Where do they come from? What is their goal in life? I'm sure they have struggles and difficulties just like me.

The cosmos is filled with differing threads of life. Consider our world. Not the whole thing, but the tiny part of it we know and live in. Our lives, passing one another, briefly interacting with each other, weaving the fabric that makes up what we know as life.

Shouldn't we be trying to make a difference in others' lives? I know that I'm a bit nervous and slightly overwhelmed at the newness of everything. However, I just need to remember that for the majority of the people in my classes, they will be dealing with the same emotions as me.

Most of the time I like to proof/revise what I write before I post it. In this case, I'm just sharing some observations I gleaned today about campus. For many, today was their first day of college classes. A step into another world, one that they've probably thought about for the past few years. What types of choices will they make from today to when they graduate? What type of people will they become?

My goal would be to leave the college phase of my life as a better person. A person, who has faced difficulties and trials, whether they be academic deadlines or decisions that directly effect my immediate life, and come out of it victorious. In every situation living as I say I believe.

I wrote these quotes over time as they came to me and although they sounded good in my head (lol), I didn't really feel like they applied to my current situation. It's only now after surviving my first official day of college classes that I begin to see what they mean.

"The people that need help the most, are the ones we pass everyday without noticing."

"But what if I don't have all the answers? What if I'm just as hopelessly lost and confused as you are?"

"Life is the continuing pursuit of truth and meaning."

"I believe in God, not because I am unwilling to face the questions, but rather because the existence of God answers those questions best for me."

Perhaps, that's the truest test that faces all of us as we enter into this next chapter of our lives. This is the time, when we leave our homes and our parents' beliefs, and forge a standard of our own. We need to ask ourselves two questions: Who do we say we are? And how does this contrast with who we actually are when no one's looking?
May we all live according to that which benefits the highest standard, and may we not be found lacking.

-michael

Artist Spotlight: Gregor Samsa

If you're into post-rock/ambient/shoegaze/psychedelic music (I am), then you should enjoy this artist.

http://www.last.fm/music/Gregor+Samsa

I would also encourage you to check out the rest of the artists on their record label The Kora Records.

http://www.thekorarecords.com/

Some interesting stuff there. Including this artist:

http://www.last.fm/music/Meredith+Bragg+and+the+Terminals


Hope you enjoy!

Me, the Bean, and the Cafe (a love story) ::reposted::

::Originally Posted on 10/23/2008::

Thursday, October 23, 2008
10:55pm
Floor of Bedroom, Twin Oaks

Let me tell you about today...

It was my first day by myself in the cafe; I was pretty nervous to tell you the truth. As someone who likes to know exactly what they are doing, before doing it, the inadequate training I received for this job really didn't cut it. But oh well, I guess it wouldn't be as funny if I had been thoroughly trained.

I arrived at work at 7:45am (I was supposed to clock in at 8am, we open at 9am), I wanted to get there early, so as to have extra time to open, seeing as it was my first time to do it alone. It was cold and windy. The only person there was my store manager, so seeing as the doors were locked I stood there and knocked...for fifteen minutes. Either she didn't hear me (?), I mean, come on, I could see her inside, all nice and warm...or she was still upset (more on that later). Anyway I finally got in at 8am when another manager showed up and let me and himself in.

I started on my work and all was progressing nicely, when about 15min into it my nose started to bleed (?). I know, random, but this wasn't a minor nosebleed, this was a real gusher; massive hemorrhaging in my left nostril. So I did my best imitation of a one-armed man while trying to set up chairs/tables, grind coffee beans, and do the countless other tasks the people up high intended to be done by able-bodied individuals. I somehow still managed to finish on time, which gave me just about ten minutes to count my till until we opened.
Attention, do not try to count one dollar bills with one hand; this can lead to severe frustration and a general inability to think straight.

After finally getting that taken care of and having my nose thankfully stop bleeding, I got to my register with two minutes to spare (8:58am), only to find out that the store management had failed to give me a till number/id. At this point I was thinking, "It's just not my day."

Fast forward to one hour later, my breathing had just started to slow down when we got hit by the 10 o'clock rush...
Imagine, hordes of thirsty, wet (it was raining), angry (it was raining) old ladies armed with lethal-looking umbrellas descending down upon my solitaire register. Me, standing bravely, ok scratch that, cowering, shielding myself behind my tiny monitor as they assaulted me with demands for exotic drinks I thought only existed in movies and books.
Forget the quote about hell having no fury like a woman scorned. Whoever said that hadn't met this group of caffeine-deprived Valkyries. These ladies were born angry.

One bright note, a lady (unrelated to the above furies) gave me a two dollar tip for a $1.71 drink. She said I had a nice smile. *smiles*

I'll admit, I made a few mistakes. I gave one guys a white chocolate cappuccino, when what he wanted was a vanilla cappuccino. He didn't say anything though, so either he didn't notice the difference (unlikely), or he felt sorry for me after seeing the tattered remains of my flag after the army passed though (probable). Oh, and I tried to sell another customer a 20oz triple-shot espresso...let me just say that three shot glasses of espresso does not add up to 20oz...but I guess that's what you get with a hung-over partyer who could barely stand up, and a new cafe guy who doesn't really know the menu and doesn't know better to correct the orders made by said party-er, who I'm pretty sure made that order up...

As I walk away, I look back and reflect on what happened today. I'm thankful God has given me the ability to be able to find humor in almost every situation. I made it though today without bursting into tears, or throwing down my apron and walking out (not really a option actually). In conclusion, all I can say is to never ever, cross anyone before they have had their coffee in the morning. Caffeine-addictions do horrible things to otherwise reasonable people.

I hope that you and your loved ones understand the hidden dangers and risky implications of this terrible killer, and oh, do come by and visit me at work some time and sample some of coffee's amazing goodness. =)

Because of the bean.

Quotes

Quotes I found interesting...

"I strive for mine own identity, but consciousness tells me that I am no different from them. I persevere in the isolation of my beliefs, knowing that even if I were to fail, at least the effort involved is self-validation of one's own nature."

"I believe, but only to the extent that it behoofs me to explain the world around me."

"Life is the continuing pursuit of truth and meaning."

"The wit of life is what makes getting out of bed every morning enjoyable."

"True unrequited love, the giving of one's self for another, is the greatest gift life has to offer."

"The people that need help the most, are the ones we pass everyday without noticing."

This World: Alone (Pt. 1)

Just some random thoughts from tonight...
What would you give or do to not ever have to feel lonely again? If you've ever felt completely alone, then you will understand what I'm asking.
The pain of loneliness, the feeling of being in a city full of people, but not belonging. Unnoticed. Forgotten. Alone.
::
Everyone is born with a certain capacity to love/give. Some more so than others. Consider the example of the individual who has a great capacity to give, and her interaction with the people around her who live only for themselves and to take from others. At what point does she reach her breaking point and decide that she just can't do it any longer?
What happens then? Is she irreparably changed for the worst, living out the rest of her life bitter and morose? Or does she, being emotionally devastated, end up taking her own life after fully realizing the implications of a cruel cold world?
::
What about a third path? What about beauty and love? What about the majesty of nature? What about sacrificial giving? Are these things alone enough? Or does life require something more in order to LIVE.

The Night Before Today

Hah, so were should I start? Today has been interesting to say the least. I believe it actually started yesterday through with me going to sleep for the night at 10am in the morning. I had a beautiful night of rest, not waking up until 7pm that evening. Upon getting up I went out to hunt and feed for a while..heh, jk jk, but seriously, once I got up I went grocery shopping and picked up an interesting movie entitled Waltz with Bashir.

My day went fairly normal:
10pm: Dinner, watched Waltz with Bashir
1230am: Read The Portrait of a Lady, Henry James, listened to music
217am: Worked out, more music
314am: Found this awesome website about wines
403am: Online poker
516am: Did school stuff mostly just getting ready for orientation
645am: Breakfast!
710am: Facebook, oh and I pretty much listened to music the whole day haha
830am: Took shower, got ready for work
920am: Opened work
1025am: Rode on the trunk on a Lexus while standing up lol
Approx noon: sold $5500 diamond ring woot!
420pm: Went home early, wasn't feeling well...hmmm, wonder why


I got home and slept until 8pm and have been up since!

Artist Spotlight: Max Richter

There are some things in life that inspire one to dream and live life the way it was meant to be lived. The music of Max Richter is one of these things.

http://www.maxrichter.com/

http://www.myspace.com/maxrichtermusic

New Direction

So it's been a while, and I've decided to take this blog in a different direction. In the past I had primarily used it to describe my somewhat hectic life. At the time I felt that this was useful as I didn't really have anyone to talk to, and writing about what was going on in my life helped me understand what God was doing a little better. Obviously He's not done, but my life has calmed down immensely since then. Therefore, as previously mentioned, I've decided to use this blog to write observations on life, reviews on music/films that I find pertinent, and just generally update it with my day-to-day actions. I'll try to update it several times a day, so be sure to check it out frequently!

Hope you enjoy and get as much out of it as I do!

-michael