I recently realized that I've been in Tennessee for over a year. Thinking about that prompted me to write this. (that and it's 5am, I'm at the library and am sick and tired of homework lol)
It's hard to believe that its been this long.
When I left home last fall, I remember boarding the greyhound bus, watching my parents slowly slip out of sight as the bus pulled away from the station, and wondering if I had made a mistake.
I remember the girl in the bus who told me she was going to New York City to live with her boyfriend and how her mom cried as the bus left the terminal.
I remember the eighteen hours I spent on those buses, and how I vowed to never ride another bus for that long again in my life.
I remember my first night in Tennessee. I was so homesick that night.
I remember living out in the country and I kid you not, working in the fields, following a tractor, so that I would have gas money to drive into town so as to go job-hunting.
I remember moving into town and sleeping on the floor of an empty house.
I remember sleeping out of my car.
I remember going from the floor of an empty house and my car to what can only be described as the exact opposite thanks to some of the most giving people I've ever met.
I remember moving to Memphis and unfortunately making a lot of decisions I regret.
I remember finally figuring out, that just because you can do it, doesn't mean you have to do it.
I hope I've matured since then. I know I'm a different person from when I left a year ago.
These days, I can't help but laugh when I call home and my entire conversation with my little brother consists of me repeatedly saying something and him yelling "whaaaat?? I can't hear you!" sometimes I find the easiest thing to say that we both understand is "I love you sammy. I miss you" And yeah, maybe I was being a little more emotional than usual considering the fact that I had barely slept the night before, but there's something especially special when your three yr-old sister tells you she loves you on her own initiative.
This is what being the oldest of twelve kids means to me. It's knowing that you have eleven pairs of eyes watching you, wondering what you're going to do in that next situation. It's knowing that most likely they're going to try and do the exact same thing when they're faced with similar odds. It's knowing that, yes, it's a responsibility, but it's also a blessing, because you have those eleven other people cheering for you to succeed because they love you and look up to you. It's calling home and getting off the phone three hours later after talking to eleven to twelve different people, answering all the same questions over and over, but not minding one bit. It's visiting your family for the first time since you left, seeing how much everyone's grown up, and realizing that you're missing out a little on their lives. It hurts. It's suddenly realizing that you aren't embarrassed anymore to be seen out in public with your family, because you now know what truly counts.
I could go on, but I'm sure you get the gist of what I'm trying to say. Never let go or forget the important things in life. For me, family is more important than almost anything else. I'm daily reminded of this as I go about life.
If you were to ask me to tell you something about myself, I'd probably point you here.
This is what I value.
This is home to me.
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
This New Beginning
One thing I'm struck by as I walk around campus is the diversity of the people around me. I've spent so much time away from large groups like this, that I'm still getting used to seeing this many different faces at one time in one place.
It's times like these when I start to think about their individual lives. Where do they come from? What is their goal in life? I'm sure they have struggles and difficulties just like me.
The cosmos is filled with differing threads of life. Consider our world. Not the whole thing, but the tiny part of it we know and live in. Our lives, passing one another, briefly interacting with each other, weaving the fabric that makes up what we know as life.
Shouldn't we be trying to make a difference in others' lives? I know that I'm a bit nervous and slightly overwhelmed at the newness of everything. However, I just need to remember that for the majority of the people in my classes, they will be dealing with the same emotions as me.
Most of the time I like to proof/revise what I write before I post it. In this case, I'm just sharing some observations I gleaned today about campus. For many, today was their first day of college classes. A step into another world, one that they've probably thought about for the past few years. What types of choices will they make from today to when they graduate? What type of people will they become?
My goal would be to leave the college phase of my life as a better person. A person, who has faced difficulties and trials, whether they be academic deadlines or decisions that directly effect my immediate life, and come out of it victorious. In every situation living as I say I believe.
I wrote these quotes over time as they came to me and although they sounded good in my head (lol), I didn't really feel like they applied to my current situation. It's only now after surviving my first official day of college classes that I begin to see what they mean.
"The people that need help the most, are the ones we pass everyday without noticing."
"But what if I don't have all the answers? What if I'm just as hopelessly lost and confused as you are?"
"Life is the continuing pursuit of truth and meaning."
"I believe in God, not because I am unwilling to face the questions, but rather because the existence of God answers those questions best for me."
Perhaps, that's the truest test that faces all of us as we enter into this next chapter of our lives. This is the time, when we leave our homes and our parents' beliefs, and forge a standard of our own. We need to ask ourselves two questions: Who do we say we are? And how does this contrast with who we actually are when no one's looking?
May we all live according to that which benefits the highest standard, and may we not be found lacking.
-michael
It's times like these when I start to think about their individual lives. Where do they come from? What is their goal in life? I'm sure they have struggles and difficulties just like me.
The cosmos is filled with differing threads of life. Consider our world. Not the whole thing, but the tiny part of it we know and live in. Our lives, passing one another, briefly interacting with each other, weaving the fabric that makes up what we know as life.
Shouldn't we be trying to make a difference in others' lives? I know that I'm a bit nervous and slightly overwhelmed at the newness of everything. However, I just need to remember that for the majority of the people in my classes, they will be dealing with the same emotions as me.
Most of the time I like to proof/revise what I write before I post it. In this case, I'm just sharing some observations I gleaned today about campus. For many, today was their first day of college classes. A step into another world, one that they've probably thought about for the past few years. What types of choices will they make from today to when they graduate? What type of people will they become?
My goal would be to leave the college phase of my life as a better person. A person, who has faced difficulties and trials, whether they be academic deadlines or decisions that directly effect my immediate life, and come out of it victorious. In every situation living as I say I believe.
I wrote these quotes over time as they came to me and although they sounded good in my head (lol), I didn't really feel like they applied to my current situation. It's only now after surviving my first official day of college classes that I begin to see what they mean.
"The people that need help the most, are the ones we pass everyday without noticing."
"But what if I don't have all the answers? What if I'm just as hopelessly lost and confused as you are?"
"Life is the continuing pursuit of truth and meaning."
"I believe in God, not because I am unwilling to face the questions, but rather because the existence of God answers those questions best for me."
Perhaps, that's the truest test that faces all of us as we enter into this next chapter of our lives. This is the time, when we leave our homes and our parents' beliefs, and forge a standard of our own. We need to ask ourselves two questions: Who do we say we are? And how does this contrast with who we actually are when no one's looking?
May we all live according to that which benefits the highest standard, and may we not be found lacking.
-michael
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Quotes
Quotes I found interesting...
"I strive for mine own identity, but consciousness tells me that I am no different from them. I persevere in the isolation of my beliefs, knowing that even if I were to fail, at least the effort involved is self-validation of one's own nature."
"I believe, but only to the extent that it behoofs me to explain the world around me."
"Life is the continuing pursuit of truth and meaning."
"The wit of life is what makes getting out of bed every morning enjoyable."
"True unrequited love, the giving of one's self for another, is the greatest gift life has to offer."
"The people that need help the most, are the ones we pass everyday without noticing."
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Since Then
God has a plan...I keep telling myself that...and for good reason too. My step-grandfather has changed his mind once again, and for some reason, I'm glad. It gives me to opportunity to trust God, and bring a conclusion to this see-saw of a emotional roller coaster. Oh don't get me wrong, I love roller coasters! Just not when they are affecting my immediate future.
So my plans of the moment....find another place to live, get a driver's license that isn't expired, don't get in a car wreck before getting previously mentioned driver's license, try not to get fired, and uhm, fill out college applications, which is hard when you don't have any money for application fees...lol...
I have a place to stay though Saturday night and then at this point I'm not sure where I will be. I'm not back in my car just yet, and you would think that by this point I'd be used to it; but it's still a eerie feeling not knowing where you will be sleeping in a few days.
Other news:
My grandmother was in a car accident recently! She's ok, thank God, but the 8-point buck she hit and killed isn't fairing too well...especially after those two rednecks drove up, hopped out of their truck, asked my grandmother if she was ok, then loaded up the buck and took off...yeh...
Also, I made a new friend...he doesn't spell very well, (and I HATE typos), so as his friend I took the opportunity to help him in learning that "therapie" is actually spelled with a "y"...which was all good and well until he posted on my facebook wall, "it's not water therapie, it's water therapy"...since then I've been deluged by friends asking me why I can't spell therapy...oh the things I sacrifice for friendship! ;-)
God has opened up a lot of doors in witnessing to people. Just last night at work, (4pm-12am), I had the opportunity to talk to a man about abortion and why I vote pro-life; a co-worker about evolution/creationism the existence and validity of God, and invited another co-worker to come to church with me next Sunday.
I love my life!
So my plans of the moment....find another place to live, get a driver's license that isn't expired, don't get in a car wreck before getting previously mentioned driver's license, try not to get fired, and uhm, fill out college applications, which is hard when you don't have any money for application fees...lol...
I have a place to stay though Saturday night and then at this point I'm not sure where I will be. I'm not back in my car just yet, and you would think that by this point I'd be used to it; but it's still a eerie feeling not knowing where you will be sleeping in a few days.
Other news:
My grandmother was in a car accident recently! She's ok, thank God, but the 8-point buck she hit and killed isn't fairing too well...especially after those two rednecks drove up, hopped out of their truck, asked my grandmother if she was ok, then loaded up the buck and took off...yeh...
Also, I made a new friend...he doesn't spell very well, (and I HATE typos), so as his friend I took the opportunity to help him in learning that "therapie" is actually spelled with a "y"...which was all good and well until he posted on my facebook wall, "it's not water therapie, it's water therapy"...since then I've been deluged by friends asking me why I can't spell therapy...oh the things I sacrifice for friendship! ;-)
God has opened up a lot of doors in witnessing to people. Just last night at work, (4pm-12am), I had the opportunity to talk to a man about abortion and why I vote pro-life; a co-worker about evolution/creationism the existence and validity of God, and invited another co-worker to come to church with me next Sunday.
I love my life!
Friday, October 24, 2008
So Much More
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
8:25pm
Floor of Bedroom, Twin Oaks House
Wow, I haven't written for two whole days which is like a new record for me. But like everything else in life, there's a reason for that...it's been crazy.
But first, let me give a brief (yet through) synopsis of my last few weeks.
...ok, so I'm laughing to myself, 'cuz I'm really tired (more on that later), so I think I will take a nap and resume this post later tonight...
...(sounds of soft snoring)...
(resuming) 10:27pm
...ah, haha =), much better.
So anyway, the last few weeks have really been a time period in my life where I've been pulled and stretched in so many different ways. Good ways mostly, ways in which I've spent a lot of time on my knees praying, and a lot of time on my feet working to do my part.
I've gone from thinking that I had a place to stay until next fall when I start school, to finding out that I could no longer stay where I was and that I would need to find another place in less than ten days. I was told this in a time in my life when I had no job, no money, no prospects or immediate plans for other living accommodations, and no idea what so ever that I would be given this deadline. It's okay to laugh about it now, but at the time I was a little bit shocked, and a tiny bit in denial. That was on Monday night, October 13, 2008. I did not know where I would be sleeping the next week on Wednesday, October 22, 2008, which just so happens to be today!
Honestly, I was scared; scared of the unknown, yet at the same time for some reason that I can only attribute to the naivete of youth, excited. I'm sure you can all imagine my elation and relief two days later, when I received a phone call from Books-a-million telling me that they wanted to hire me. I am extremely glad no one else was there at the house (my grandmother was staying overnight at a friend's house, and my step-grandfather was in Colorado--I had to be out of the house by the time he got back next week on Wed).
For the next hour as I walked around the house getting dressed to go in and fill out the paperwork to be hired, I would randomly burst into laughter, or just start giggling like a little girl for no reason. I say no reason, but we both know that it was because I was so thankful for that phone call.
As the rest of the week pasted with me working eight hours everyday, I continued to seek other living options. But with no money, no credit, and only being eighteen years old, there weren't many options. In fact, after being kicked out of my grandparents' home, the only place I could find that would take me in was my car.
It smells nice.
That Sunday however, as those of you who have read my earlier posts know. God provided by sending someone literally out of the blue. Words could not express how grateful I am to this lady, who really without even knowing me, offered me a place to stay, until I could get back on my feet.
They say that God works in mysterious ways, and I have to agree with that saying. I don't know what went on, but after hearing about what happened on Sunday, my step-grandfather extended the date I could sleep on the floor of their empty house that they aren't living in until the end of the month. So I know have a job, a place to stay for the next nine days, and today I was interviewed and hired for a second part-time job that pays two dollars more a hour that my other job.
What can I say? This is only a fraction of what God has done in my life. Trust me, the story of the last three months is much longer. All I know is that every time I'm tempted to lose faith, God does something amazing.
I know that when I'm tired, I tend to not make much sense when I write, but I hope that if even everything I said was complete gibberish, that somehow, just a few drops of the joy, peace, and thankfulness that I'm experiencing right now trickled down to you.
There's so much more I want to write, but my hand is cramping up, and I have to get up early to work tomorrow, so goodnight and goodbye until next time.
Michael
8:25pm
Floor of Bedroom, Twin Oaks House
Wow, I haven't written for two whole days which is like a new record for me. But like everything else in life, there's a reason for that...it's been crazy.
But first, let me give a brief (yet through) synopsis of my last few weeks.
...ok, so I'm laughing to myself, 'cuz I'm really tired (more on that later), so I think I will take a nap and resume this post later tonight...
...(sounds of soft snoring)...
(resuming) 10:27pm
...ah, haha =), much better.
So anyway, the last few weeks have really been a time period in my life where I've been pulled and stretched in so many different ways. Good ways mostly, ways in which I've spent a lot of time on my knees praying, and a lot of time on my feet working to do my part.
I've gone from thinking that I had a place to stay until next fall when I start school, to finding out that I could no longer stay where I was and that I would need to find another place in less than ten days. I was told this in a time in my life when I had no job, no money, no prospects or immediate plans for other living accommodations, and no idea what so ever that I would be given this deadline. It's okay to laugh about it now, but at the time I was a little bit shocked, and a tiny bit in denial. That was on Monday night, October 13, 2008. I did not know where I would be sleeping the next week on Wednesday, October 22, 2008, which just so happens to be today!
Honestly, I was scared; scared of the unknown, yet at the same time for some reason that I can only attribute to the naivete of youth, excited. I'm sure you can all imagine my elation and relief two days later, when I received a phone call from Books-a-million telling me that they wanted to hire me. I am extremely glad no one else was there at the house (my grandmother was staying overnight at a friend's house, and my step-grandfather was in Colorado--I had to be out of the house by the time he got back next week on Wed).
For the next hour as I walked around the house getting dressed to go in and fill out the paperwork to be hired, I would randomly burst into laughter, or just start giggling like a little girl for no reason. I say no reason, but we both know that it was because I was so thankful for that phone call.
As the rest of the week pasted with me working eight hours everyday, I continued to seek other living options. But with no money, no credit, and only being eighteen years old, there weren't many options. In fact, after being kicked out of my grandparents' home, the only place I could find that would take me in was my car.
It smells nice.
That Sunday however, as those of you who have read my earlier posts know. God provided by sending someone literally out of the blue. Words could not express how grateful I am to this lady, who really without even knowing me, offered me a place to stay, until I could get back on my feet.
They say that God works in mysterious ways, and I have to agree with that saying. I don't know what went on, but after hearing about what happened on Sunday, my step-grandfather extended the date I could sleep on the floor of their empty house that they aren't living in until the end of the month. So I know have a job, a place to stay for the next nine days, and today I was interviewed and hired for a second part-time job that pays two dollars more a hour that my other job.
What can I say? This is only a fraction of what God has done in my life. Trust me, the story of the last three months is much longer. All I know is that every time I'm tempted to lose faith, God does something amazing.
I know that when I'm tired, I tend to not make much sense when I write, but I hope that if even everything I said was complete gibberish, that somehow, just a few drops of the joy, peace, and thankfulness that I'm experiencing right now trickled down to you.
There's so much more I want to write, but my hand is cramping up, and I have to get up early to work tomorrow, so goodnight and goodbye until next time.
Michael
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Sacrifice is Worth It
Monday, October 20, 2008
10:53pm
At a undisclosed location, Twin Oaks
I watched The Guardian tonight. For those of you who are not familiar with the name; it is a film about Coast Guard rescue swimmers and the sacrifices they make, sometimes even their own lives, in order that others may live. It resonated well with a theme that has been on my mind the last month. Sacrifice is all about making choices (often painful ones), that mean giving up something meaningful so that others may receive that which was previously unobtainable.
The perfect example of this is the picture of Christ, hanging from the cross, suffering and dying for our sins, so that we might gain life eternal. There is a verse in the New Testament that I will post later, (once I find it), =) that talks about being His ambassadors on earth and letting Him shine His light through us.
A life lived for others, for a noble purpose, is a life worth living. We are called to a life of sacrifice, in every aspect of our lives; this is our mission on earth.
So that others may live.
10:53pm
At a undisclosed location, Twin Oaks
I watched The Guardian tonight. For those of you who are not familiar with the name; it is a film about Coast Guard rescue swimmers and the sacrifices they make, sometimes even their own lives, in order that others may live. It resonated well with a theme that has been on my mind the last month. Sacrifice is all about making choices (often painful ones), that mean giving up something meaningful so that others may receive that which was previously unobtainable.
The perfect example of this is the picture of Christ, hanging from the cross, suffering and dying for our sins, so that we might gain life eternal. There is a verse in the New Testament that I will post later, (once I find it), =) that talks about being His ambassadors on earth and letting Him shine His light through us.
A life lived for others, for a noble purpose, is a life worth living. We are called to a life of sacrifice, in every aspect of our lives; this is our mission on earth.
So that others may live.
Life is a Smoothie
Monday, October 20, 2008
10:27pm
Floor of Empty House, Twin Oaks (where I'm sleeping)
Today I worked from 8am to 4pm in the cafe. I now know how to make about eight different kinds of smoothies. Spending all that time working with fruit puree and crushed ice got me to thinking; life is very much like a smoothie. Sure different flavors go into specific drinks, but just like life's circumstances and the way we react to them, it's what is inside the mold that makes us who we are. We all only get one earthly life to live, and that smoothie can only be drank once.
Is the price worth it? As you peruse down life's menu of choices, you will be faced with many hard decisions. Thankfully, we don't have to close our eyes and randomly point. God has given us His Word, and has put special individuals in our lives to help guide us along the right path.
Although I feel that this analogy has many qualified points, I do think that in the future I will refrain from countering the question I was asked so often today, "What do y'all have in your smoothies?", with "What types of choices do you make in your life?".
I got too many weird looks...
As I close this note, I have to ask you one final (compound) question.
What are you putting into your smoothie, and is it worth it?
10:27pm
Floor of Empty House, Twin Oaks (where I'm sleeping)
Today I worked from 8am to 4pm in the cafe. I now know how to make about eight different kinds of smoothies. Spending all that time working with fruit puree and crushed ice got me to thinking; life is very much like a smoothie. Sure different flavors go into specific drinks, but just like life's circumstances and the way we react to them, it's what is inside the mold that makes us who we are. We all only get one earthly life to live, and that smoothie can only be drank once.
Is the price worth it? As you peruse down life's menu of choices, you will be faced with many hard decisions. Thankfully, we don't have to close our eyes and randomly point. God has given us His Word, and has put special individuals in our lives to help guide us along the right path.
Although I feel that this analogy has many qualified points, I do think that in the future I will refrain from countering the question I was asked so often today, "What do y'all have in your smoothies?", with "What types of choices do you make in your life?".
I got too many weird looks...
As I close this note, I have to ask you one final (compound) question.
What are you putting into your smoothie, and is it worth it?
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