God has a plan...I keep telling myself that...and for good reason too. My step-grandfather has changed his mind once again, and for some reason, I'm glad. It gives me to opportunity to trust God, and bring a conclusion to this see-saw of a emotional roller coaster. Oh don't get me wrong, I love roller coasters! Just not when they are affecting my immediate future.
So my plans of the moment....find another place to live, get a driver's license that isn't expired, don't get in a car wreck before getting previously mentioned driver's license, try not to get fired, and uhm, fill out college applications, which is hard when you don't have any money for application fees...lol...
I have a place to stay though Saturday night and then at this point I'm not sure where I will be. I'm not back in my car just yet, and you would think that by this point I'd be used to it; but it's still a eerie feeling not knowing where you will be sleeping in a few days.
Other news:
My grandmother was in a car accident recently! She's ok, thank God, but the 8-point buck she hit and killed isn't fairing too well...especially after those two rednecks drove up, hopped out of their truck, asked my grandmother if she was ok, then loaded up the buck and took off...yeh...
Also, I made a new friend...he doesn't spell very well, (and I HATE typos), so as his friend I took the opportunity to help him in learning that "therapie" is actually spelled with a "y"...which was all good and well until he posted on my facebook wall, "it's not water therapie, it's water therapy"...since then I've been deluged by friends asking me why I can't spell therapy...oh the things I sacrifice for friendship! ;-)
God has opened up a lot of doors in witnessing to people. Just last night at work, (4pm-12am), I had the opportunity to talk to a man about abortion and why I vote pro-life; a co-worker about evolution/creationism the existence and validity of God, and invited another co-worker to come to church with me next Sunday.
I love my life!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
The Winds of Change
Everyone likes safety nets...a job, food, a place to live, money....things that make you feel secure in life. For me, the last few weeks, I've been rollin' along without much of anything earthly to make me feel secure. That has changed. Actually a lot has changed. I'm happy. I have two jobs, possibly a third job, today I turned down a fourth job offer. I don't mind working doing menial labor--grunt work--for low pay. But when I'm in a position where I can choose, I feel extra blessed. I have a place where I can stay until I find a apartment. A place which I feel was the best of all of the options. A place with family.
Like I said, a lot has changed. For the better of course. I think that through all of this, God has been teaching me a valuable lesson. I've had to rely upon Him in ways I never did before. But I am not the only one who has been affected.
This morning I was to meet the couple that had originally said I had a place at their home if I ever needed it. I was supposed to meet them at 11am for lunch. I was literally walking out the door to go there, when the phone rang. I hesitated, then decided to answer it quickly. The time was 10:55am. It was my step-grandfather. He said that he wanted to talk to me about something. What he said on the phone is confidential, but God had been working in his heart as well. He basically told me that I could stay with him and my grandmother for as long as I needed until I found a apartment. The phone call ended at 11:05am. Please, can you imagine what was going through my head right then?
Talk about God's timing. I am just overwhelmed about everything that has been happening. Time and time again, He has shown Himself to be faithful regardless of my tiny faith.
I will write more, but after my thoughts are a little more clear.
Like I said, a lot has changed. For the better of course. I think that through all of this, God has been teaching me a valuable lesson. I've had to rely upon Him in ways I never did before. But I am not the only one who has been affected.
This morning I was to meet the couple that had originally said I had a place at their home if I ever needed it. I was supposed to meet them at 11am for lunch. I was literally walking out the door to go there, when the phone rang. I hesitated, then decided to answer it quickly. The time was 10:55am. It was my step-grandfather. He said that he wanted to talk to me about something. What he said on the phone is confidential, but God had been working in his heart as well. He basically told me that I could stay with him and my grandmother for as long as I needed until I found a apartment. The phone call ended at 11:05am. Please, can you imagine what was going through my head right then?
Talk about God's timing. I am just overwhelmed about everything that has been happening. Time and time again, He has shown Himself to be faithful regardless of my tiny faith.
I will write more, but after my thoughts are a little more clear.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
The Cold Hands of Redemption
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
8:45am (library opens at 9am)
Front Seat of Car, Library Parking Lot
Hey! So I survived the night. Lol, it got pretty cold; I had on like two jackets, but was still freezing. So I wrapped two dress shirts which I had in my bad around my legs and feet to stay warm. I dozed on and off because of the cold, but I was also sorta afraid of going to sleep, 'cuz in all the movies I seen, the guy sleeping in his car always gets awakened by a cop shining a flashlight and wanting license/registration...Mhm, and my TX license is like seven months expired. Lol, ok, I haven't renewed it, 'cuz I don't have the money. But it's top priority, I promise. Remember, safety first kids. ;-)
My night was interesting to say the least...I finally gave up trying to sleep at about 5am, so I got out of my car, got undressed (lol, the dress shirts around my legs; yes I had jeans on undernearth), and brushed my teeth like I always do when I wake up (the flavor was intense, try mixing cinnamon toothpaste with dr pepper, and you will understand what I'm talking about), then hung out at wal-mart reading twilight/new moon/and almost all of eclipse, oh and i also finished up brisingr (which I thought was pretty lame). (hey I read fast)...
If you read my last post, then you know how important I believe good family relationships are. Well I had to go back this morning to pick up the rest of my stuff from my grandparents' house. So I got there at 7:30am, set off their alarm, and woke them up...yep...hey, in my defense, they are like always up by 6:00am...
So way to go, Michael! But I went ahead and loaded up my stuff, then something amazing happened. I sat down at that table hurt, frustrated, and saddened to talk to them before I left. I got up 30min later...and all I can say, because I'm unable to describe the multitude of emotions running though me, is that God deserves all the glory for the reconciliation and forgiveness that when on during that span of time. Suffice it to say, that I will have a place to stay with them through the end of this week. But the most important thing is that there is love, peace, and harmony in our relationship again. And that is the way it is supposed to be between family members and especially Christian brothers and sisters.
8:45am (library opens at 9am)
Front Seat of Car, Library Parking Lot
Hey! So I survived the night. Lol, it got pretty cold; I had on like two jackets, but was still freezing. So I wrapped two dress shirts which I had in my bad around my legs and feet to stay warm. I dozed on and off because of the cold, but I was also sorta afraid of going to sleep, 'cuz in all the movies I seen, the guy sleeping in his car always gets awakened by a cop shining a flashlight and wanting license/registration...Mhm, and my TX license is like seven months expired. Lol, ok, I haven't renewed it, 'cuz I don't have the money. But it's top priority, I promise. Remember, safety first kids. ;-)
My night was interesting to say the least...I finally gave up trying to sleep at about 5am, so I got out of my car, got undressed (lol, the dress shirts around my legs; yes I had jeans on undernearth), and brushed my teeth like I always do when I wake up (the flavor was intense, try mixing cinnamon toothpaste with dr pepper, and you will understand what I'm talking about), then hung out at wal-mart reading twilight/new moon/and almost all of eclipse, oh and i also finished up brisingr (which I thought was pretty lame). (hey I read fast)...
If you read my last post, then you know how important I believe good family relationships are. Well I had to go back this morning to pick up the rest of my stuff from my grandparents' house. So I got there at 7:30am, set off their alarm, and woke them up...yep...hey, in my defense, they are like always up by 6:00am...
So way to go, Michael! But I went ahead and loaded up my stuff, then something amazing happened. I sat down at that table hurt, frustrated, and saddened to talk to them before I left. I got up 30min later...and all I can say, because I'm unable to describe the multitude of emotions running though me, is that God deserves all the glory for the reconciliation and forgiveness that when on during that span of time. Suffice it to say, that I will have a place to stay with them through the end of this week. But the most important thing is that there is love, peace, and harmony in our relationship again. And that is the way it is supposed to be between family members and especially Christian brothers and sisters.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Five-Star Living
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
12:59am
Front Seat of Car, Random Parking Lot
So...I don't really know where to start. Um, I did something that normally would have been no big deal, but in my current situation, probably wasn't the smartest thing to do...
I parked my car in the driveway, and I was cold so I turned up the temperature a few degrees. Apparently I was supposed to know not to do this...yeh...anyway it's kinda hard for me to describe exactly what happened this morning without going into too much detail. The reason I don't want to go into that much detail is 'cuz I'm not the only one involved. But I do want to make something clear; I am here right now because I chose to be. I could be sleeping in a warm (or maybe cold, depending on who's running the temp) house, sleeping under a blanket on the floor; instead I'm shivering in my car, parked in some lot. (Lol, it's ok, I made sure it was a well lit parking lot)
For those of you who are wondering why any sane person would do this, I'm about to tell you...
God has blessed me with a sharp mind and a quick wit. Oh, and the willingness to share both with the world while shooting my mouth off. (Note to others: this has gotten me in trouble in the past. Note to self: repeat this line, "duct tape is good, it is beneficial to mankind") The last few months though, oh I have been the perfect model of patience and contrite humility. I say this laughing, 'cuz it hasn't been easy.
Um, I'm not going to tell ya'll everything I was hearing this morning, because to put it bluntly, I don't feel comfortable writing out the terms my step-grandfather used to express his feelings at the moment. (Don't worry. I didn't say anything back but, "I'm sorry" and, "yes sir". )
But there comes a point in everyone's life, when you have to make decisions. And this afternoon, I decided that there wasn't any reason for me to suffer the never-ending verbal abuse/humiliation/griping that I had been receiving simply for being there.
For those of you who want to know why I didn't say anything back, well the answer is simple.
Respect.
This is a classic case of where even if you don't respect the person, you respect the position. Another reason is the importance of strong (or at least in this case amiable) family relationships. I think that if I had said anything right then, with the way I was feeling inside, reconciliation would have been out of the question.
I do have a few points to make though... (now that I'm calm) ;-)
First, if the world is as hard and tough of a place as my step-grandfather has repeatedly (clarification: repeatedly=about every other sentence) told me every time he's upset about something, then I honestly don't think the world needs any help from him teaching me the definition or explaining that surprisingly new, refreshing and invigorating piece of knowledge.
Secondly, if he really believes what he's saying (and I think he does), shouldn't the home and family be the one place where the effect of the world's brutality doesn't reach? Sure I know that the earth isn't perfect, and that there are a lot of broken homes. But I can dismiss that line of reasoning easily with Romans 6:1,
"What shall we say then, shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?"
If anything, the home should be a place where love, peace, and encouragement abounds. Not a house of tension and petty griping.
(For all intents and purposes, living with my grandparents was my new home. In fact, it was originally my step-grandfather who said that he wanted me to come and live with them.)
As I close, (lol, five pages and it's sorta hard to write in the dark, and when your fingers are really cold) I can't help but think about what I've learned today. That is the whole purpose of this blog, you know. ;-)
Circumstances and people are fickle, (Oh wait, and add public opinion and the stock market to that list) so it's not a good idea to place your faith in something that changes by day. So for those of you who want to know the sure hand, I've got some news. There are things in this life you can count on (no it's not death and taxes in this case), for me, I've been discovering what I should have known all along. The surety of God's faithfulness to His children. To His family.
I know that ya'll will be reading this later, but if you would, please pray this out loud (I am right now) when you do read it.
"Dear God, first of all I just want to thank you for everything you've done in my life. I know that you have a purpose for me here, and I want to ask you for your grace to rejoice in my situation no matter the circumstances. Knowing that all that You do is for Your glory. Please keep me safe tonight, and also, I pray for everyone else out there, whatever their situation is, that needs Your protection as well. Thank you for bringing me this far, and Lord, please continue to change me. I know more that anyone else how much I need you.
I pray all this in the name of my Lord and Savior Christ Jesus,
Amen."
12:59am
Front Seat of Car, Random Parking Lot
So...I don't really know where to start. Um, I did something that normally would have been no big deal, but in my current situation, probably wasn't the smartest thing to do...
I parked my car in the driveway, and I was cold so I turned up the temperature a few degrees. Apparently I was supposed to know not to do this...yeh...anyway it's kinda hard for me to describe exactly what happened this morning without going into too much detail. The reason I don't want to go into that much detail is 'cuz I'm not the only one involved. But I do want to make something clear; I am here right now because I chose to be. I could be sleeping in a warm (or maybe cold, depending on who's running the temp) house, sleeping under a blanket on the floor; instead I'm shivering in my car, parked in some lot. (Lol, it's ok, I made sure it was a well lit parking lot)
For those of you who are wondering why any sane person would do this, I'm about to tell you...
God has blessed me with a sharp mind and a quick wit. Oh, and the willingness to share both with the world while shooting my mouth off. (Note to others: this has gotten me in trouble in the past. Note to self: repeat this line, "duct tape is good, it is beneficial to mankind") The last few months though, oh I have been the perfect model of patience and contrite humility. I say this laughing, 'cuz it hasn't been easy.
Um, I'm not going to tell ya'll everything I was hearing this morning, because to put it bluntly, I don't feel comfortable writing out the terms my step-grandfather used to express his feelings at the moment. (Don't worry. I didn't say anything back but, "I'm sorry" and, "yes sir". )
But there comes a point in everyone's life, when you have to make decisions. And this afternoon, I decided that there wasn't any reason for me to suffer the never-ending verbal abuse/humiliation/griping that I had been receiving simply for being there.
For those of you who want to know why I didn't say anything back, well the answer is simple.
Respect.
This is a classic case of where even if you don't respect the person, you respect the position. Another reason is the importance of strong (or at least in this case amiable) family relationships. I think that if I had said anything right then, with the way I was feeling inside, reconciliation would have been out of the question.
I do have a few points to make though... (now that I'm calm) ;-)
First, if the world is as hard and tough of a place as my step-grandfather has repeatedly (clarification: repeatedly=about every other sentence) told me every time he's upset about something, then I honestly don't think the world needs any help from him teaching me the definition or explaining that surprisingly new, refreshing and invigorating piece of knowledge.
Secondly, if he really believes what he's saying (and I think he does), shouldn't the home and family be the one place where the effect of the world's brutality doesn't reach? Sure I know that the earth isn't perfect, and that there are a lot of broken homes. But I can dismiss that line of reasoning easily with Romans 6:1,
"What shall we say then, shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?"
If anything, the home should be a place where love, peace, and encouragement abounds. Not a house of tension and petty griping.
(For all intents and purposes, living with my grandparents was my new home. In fact, it was originally my step-grandfather who said that he wanted me to come and live with them.)
As I close, (lol, five pages and it's sorta hard to write in the dark, and when your fingers are really cold) I can't help but think about what I've learned today. That is the whole purpose of this blog, you know. ;-)
Circumstances and people are fickle, (Oh wait, and add public opinion and the stock market to that list) so it's not a good idea to place your faith in something that changes by day. So for those of you who want to know the sure hand, I've got some news. There are things in this life you can count on (no it's not death and taxes in this case), for me, I've been discovering what I should have known all along. The surety of God's faithfulness to His children. To His family.
I know that ya'll will be reading this later, but if you would, please pray this out loud (I am right now) when you do read it.
"Dear God, first of all I just want to thank you for everything you've done in my life. I know that you have a purpose for me here, and I want to ask you for your grace to rejoice in my situation no matter the circumstances. Knowing that all that You do is for Your glory. Please keep me safe tonight, and also, I pray for everyone else out there, whatever their situation is, that needs Your protection as well. Thank you for bringing me this far, and Lord, please continue to change me. I know more that anyone else how much I need you.
I pray all this in the name of my Lord and Savior Christ Jesus,
Amen."
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Random Explanations
This post is so that I won't have to answer these questions anymore...;-)
My username, "Saint Mike"...
I've been using this oxymoron ever since I started using computers...so for like the last ten years of my life? The name originates from my own name and the obvious reference to Michael the archangel...also, when I started using this name, it was because I wasn't the most mature ten year-old, and I might have verbally harassed and baited a few neighborhood kids....
My use of the term "fallen angel" under my blog name, is a shout-out to a story/book I wrote a few years back (that although imaginative, is completely untrue), about angels who at the beginning rebelled against God, but did not completely follow Lucifer. They were cast out of heaven, yet have no place in hell. They wander the earth, doing acts of kindness, trying to redeem themselves and find a place back in heaven.
It reminds me of the futility of achieving eternal life though good works alone.
My blog name, Paper Cuts of Life, refers to my job working in a bookstore and the frequent papercuts I receive there. The analogy further explains how although papercuts are painful, they are short-lasting, and serve a purpose in learning to be more careful. I was able to find a lot of parallels in my own life...
My username, "Saint Mike"...
I've been using this oxymoron ever since I started using computers...so for like the last ten years of my life? The name originates from my own name and the obvious reference to Michael the archangel...also, when I started using this name, it was because I wasn't the most mature ten year-old, and I might have verbally harassed and baited a few neighborhood kids....
My use of the term "fallen angel" under my blog name, is a shout-out to a story/book I wrote a few years back (that although imaginative, is completely untrue), about angels who at the beginning rebelled against God, but did not completely follow Lucifer. They were cast out of heaven, yet have no place in hell. They wander the earth, doing acts of kindness, trying to redeem themselves and find a place back in heaven.
It reminds me of the futility of achieving eternal life though good works alone.
My blog name, Paper Cuts of Life, refers to my job working in a bookstore and the frequent papercuts I receive there. The analogy further explains how although papercuts are painful, they are short-lasting, and serve a purpose in learning to be more careful. I was able to find a lot of parallels in my own life...
The Peace of God
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
2:43am
Floor of Bedroom, Twin Oaks
I am a little tired, (got off work at midnight, ran for a hour, ate, and showered. Lol, come on, I'm a teen-ager, I live for these types of hours!) but I have so much to say. (haha, somehow I always end up in this position.)
The last time I wrote was during a real low point in my life. Probably the lowest ever actually. The feeling of being there, yet not belonging, will stay will be forever. It made me re-affirm some of my life purposes' though, one of which is to be a friend to the friendless. The feeling of utter and absolute desolation is one no human being should ever have to experience on earth.
Fortunately, this story has a happy ending, but you already knew that didn't you? When I wrote last, I had one short-term living option, but no long-term availabilities. As of this writing, I now have had two families graciously offer to open their homes to me for a short while; and I also have two long term possibilities (please pray that I can find a room-mate).
Whoa, wait. Did I read that right? You mean I can actually pick and choose where I'm going to live? Lol, but seriously, is God good or what?
It's times like these, when all I can do is fall down on my knees, and thank God and praise Him for who He is. Not only that, but I've been changed through this. Permanently.
I used to be very reticent about being open and sharing my faith. But these days, it's like you've just gotten what you wished for Christmas, or learned an amazing new piece of news that you just have to share with everyone you meet. I've even been able to talk to my co-workers about what has happened to me, and the workplace was probably my biggest hurdle when it comes to sharing Christ.
I feel like I'm bouncing around from topic to topic (it's the caffeine and the time talking), but hopefully I made half-way sense. The journey isn't over, but I think the worst has pasted. Even if not though, because of what has happened, my faith (and hopefully yours) in His love, guidance, and never-ending protection has never been stronger.
Philippians 4:7
"And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
2:43am
Floor of Bedroom, Twin Oaks
I am a little tired, (got off work at midnight, ran for a hour, ate, and showered. Lol, come on, I'm a teen-ager, I live for these types of hours!) but I have so much to say. (haha, somehow I always end up in this position.)
The last time I wrote was during a real low point in my life. Probably the lowest ever actually. The feeling of being there, yet not belonging, will stay will be forever. It made me re-affirm some of my life purposes' though, one of which is to be a friend to the friendless. The feeling of utter and absolute desolation is one no human being should ever have to experience on earth.
Fortunately, this story has a happy ending, but you already knew that didn't you? When I wrote last, I had one short-term living option, but no long-term availabilities. As of this writing, I now have had two families graciously offer to open their homes to me for a short while; and I also have two long term possibilities (please pray that I can find a room-mate).
Whoa, wait. Did I read that right? You mean I can actually pick and choose where I'm going to live? Lol, but seriously, is God good or what?
It's times like these, when all I can do is fall down on my knees, and thank God and praise Him for who He is. Not only that, but I've been changed through this. Permanently.
I used to be very reticent about being open and sharing my faith. But these days, it's like you've just gotten what you wished for Christmas, or learned an amazing new piece of news that you just have to share with everyone you meet. I've even been able to talk to my co-workers about what has happened to me, and the workplace was probably my biggest hurdle when it comes to sharing Christ.
I feel like I'm bouncing around from topic to topic (it's the caffeine and the time talking), but hopefully I made half-way sense. The journey isn't over, but I think the worst has pasted. Even if not though, because of what has happened, my faith (and hopefully yours) in His love, guidance, and never-ending protection has never been stronger.
Philippians 4:7
"And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Monday, October 27, 2008
Being Me
Sunday, October 26, 2008
8:56pm
Floor of Bedroom, Twin Oaks
I know that several of my posts have contained slightly humorous anecdotes, but sometimes I feel that it's hard to always remain optimistic. Someone recently asked me why I wanted to help out with the preschoolers during Sunday School. I replied that I felt like everyone has gifts; that my gift at the moment was a lot of extra time (this was before I got two jobs), and that there was a need that I could help fill. I said that I helped because I love little kids and I missed my family. But I think that there was something more that I didn't say.
I spend all week working long hours, hoarding pennies, praying and looking for a place to stay, and desperately trying to save up enough money before I find myself without a place to lay my head. At the end of the week, although I try to laugh, I'm tired. Physically, yes. Mentally, of course. But most of all, I am emotionally exhausted. Weary from worrying about the near future. Discouraged because, sometimes it seems that life is so hard. One indication that I'm close to my breaking point, and it just hit me right now, is that I'm even willing to write about it.
So in some ways, it's a blessing to be in a place where the biggest trouble on mind is spilled juice or what color block to use next. A place where I can forget about the external troubles of my life; push to the back of my mind the internal conflicts and stress that are such a part of my everyday life, and for a few hours, worry about someone else.
When I really think about it, I don't help out with the kids to be nice, or to do something noble. It's not really much of a self-sacrifice when at the root is motivation for ones own self. Sure it looks good, but I guess I'm really just being selfish when I help those kids.
Friends often tell me I tend to overthink. Sometimes I think they are right...
But not this time. Which brings me to the end object of this note. I know, I know, to those of you who are rolling your eyes, thinking, "Michael always has to bring this into his posts". But honestly, and I say this from my heart, when you reach a time in your life where you are forced to rely solely upon Him, then at that point, everything does lead back to Christ.
No matter how giving or "selfless" I or any of you attempt to be, our gift, our sacrifice, can never equal or compare to His gift to us of life eternal upon that cross. That is all that is noble. That is the beauty of true unrequited love, the giving of one's self for another. That is the sacrifice Christ made for you and me.
As I close this note tonight, I'm praying, 'cuz I don't know who might read this note; but I do know that I have all the same doubts and fears that you have. In the end though, I am confidant that no matter what happens, I can rest secure, I am in His hands, and that is a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
8:56pm
Floor of Bedroom, Twin Oaks
I know that several of my posts have contained slightly humorous anecdotes, but sometimes I feel that it's hard to always remain optimistic. Someone recently asked me why I wanted to help out with the preschoolers during Sunday School. I replied that I felt like everyone has gifts; that my gift at the moment was a lot of extra time (this was before I got two jobs), and that there was a need that I could help fill. I said that I helped because I love little kids and I missed my family. But I think that there was something more that I didn't say.
I spend all week working long hours, hoarding pennies, praying and looking for a place to stay, and desperately trying to save up enough money before I find myself without a place to lay my head. At the end of the week, although I try to laugh, I'm tired. Physically, yes. Mentally, of course. But most of all, I am emotionally exhausted. Weary from worrying about the near future. Discouraged because, sometimes it seems that life is so hard. One indication that I'm close to my breaking point, and it just hit me right now, is that I'm even willing to write about it.
So in some ways, it's a blessing to be in a place where the biggest trouble on mind is spilled juice or what color block to use next. A place where I can forget about the external troubles of my life; push to the back of my mind the internal conflicts and stress that are such a part of my everyday life, and for a few hours, worry about someone else.
When I really think about it, I don't help out with the kids to be nice, or to do something noble. It's not really much of a self-sacrifice when at the root is motivation for ones own self. Sure it looks good, but I guess I'm really just being selfish when I help those kids.
Friends often tell me I tend to overthink. Sometimes I think they are right...
But not this time. Which brings me to the end object of this note. I know, I know, to those of you who are rolling your eyes, thinking, "Michael always has to bring this into his posts". But honestly, and I say this from my heart, when you reach a time in your life where you are forced to rely solely upon Him, then at that point, everything does lead back to Christ.
No matter how giving or "selfless" I or any of you attempt to be, our gift, our sacrifice, can never equal or compare to His gift to us of life eternal upon that cross. That is all that is noble. That is the beauty of true unrequited love, the giving of one's self for another. That is the sacrifice Christ made for you and me.
As I close this note tonight, I'm praying, 'cuz I don't know who might read this note; but I do know that I have all the same doubts and fears that you have. In the end though, I am confidant that no matter what happens, I can rest secure, I am in His hands, and that is a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
The Boring Life of Me and Normal
Friday, October 24, 2008
9:41pm
Floor of Bedroom, Twin Oaks
Today was incredibly normal...and strange to say, boring.
I guess I've just gotten used to something life-changing happening everyday. Oh, I'm not complaining, on the contrary, I'm thankful for the monotony right now. But at the moment, I am sitting in a empty house with absolutely nothing to do (besides write this), and hours to keep before I sleep.
Actually now that I think about it, something minor did occur. I was supposed to be paid today. I was also told that the amount (direct deposit) should hit my account late Thursday night. Now normally not such a big deal, right? But after a week of eating mostly popcorn, apples, and peanut butter, I was ready to buy some groceries, but lo and behold, no moola when I checked this morning. Not cool.
So tomorrow morning, I'm going in to work, and I'm gonna demand to know what happened on their end. Haha, ok, not really, I will probably ask politely, but seriously, I need that paycheck. Please, pray for me. I don't know what else God is trying to teach me through this, but I'm learning as fast as possible so that it will be over! ;)
Other things that have occurred in the last few weeks that I forgot to write about...
People, please don't judge before understanding all the facts.
When I first started working at Books-a-million, they had me stocking the shelves with new books. Since I was new, I didn't have a apron or nametag yet. So I looked like just another customer with books browsing the store. I didn't have any control over what books I was stocking, but it was still mortifying when I would walk down the romance/erotica aisle with a full armload of books designated for that section and have elderly ladies tsk tsking at me and mothers quickly guiding their children away from me. I even had one guy mutter something like, "there, but for the grace of God, goes me"...
At the point, I was really wishing for a sign to hang around my neck that said, "I don't read these books", and on the back, "I just work here".
To all my friends, who I do so love, I will be getting a mobile # soon. But not for the reason y'all think. Yes, I do want to talk to y'all, but with two part-time jobs and countless ministry opportunities, my current situation with no cell and no landline isn't working. Plus I've actually had about five mothers (most of them from the childcare at church) ask me if I babysat. Lol, who would have thought it, me, professional babysitter. Btw, does anyone know what the going hourly rate is? I honestly have no idea. The first time I was asked, I made the mistake of telling the lady I would do it for free...
In the past when I babysat, I didn't really pay attention, 'cuz I had no real need for money. I should be getting the # as soon as I get the deposit thing straightened out, so I will be deluged with calls from personal-time starved moms. So please, anyone that babysits, send me a message or leave a comment!
Well, I've written three pages already, so I'm going to close now. But to everyone that has been reading and thinking about me, thank you and hope you've gotten something out of what I have written.
9:41pm
Floor of Bedroom, Twin Oaks
Today was incredibly normal...and strange to say, boring.
I guess I've just gotten used to something life-changing happening everyday. Oh, I'm not complaining, on the contrary, I'm thankful for the monotony right now. But at the moment, I am sitting in a empty house with absolutely nothing to do (besides write this), and hours to keep before I sleep.
Actually now that I think about it, something minor did occur. I was supposed to be paid today. I was also told that the amount (direct deposit) should hit my account late Thursday night. Now normally not such a big deal, right? But after a week of eating mostly popcorn, apples, and peanut butter, I was ready to buy some groceries, but lo and behold, no moola when I checked this morning. Not cool.
So tomorrow morning, I'm going in to work, and I'm gonna demand to know what happened on their end. Haha, ok, not really, I will probably ask politely, but seriously, I need that paycheck. Please, pray for me. I don't know what else God is trying to teach me through this, but I'm learning as fast as possible so that it will be over! ;)
Other things that have occurred in the last few weeks that I forgot to write about...
People, please don't judge before understanding all the facts.
When I first started working at Books-a-million, they had me stocking the shelves with new books. Since I was new, I didn't have a apron or nametag yet. So I looked like just another customer with books browsing the store. I didn't have any control over what books I was stocking, but it was still mortifying when I would walk down the romance/erotica aisle with a full armload of books designated for that section and have elderly ladies tsk tsking at me and mothers quickly guiding their children away from me. I even had one guy mutter something like, "there, but for the grace of God, goes me"...
At the point, I was really wishing for a sign to hang around my neck that said, "I don't read these books", and on the back, "I just work here".
To all my friends, who I do so love, I will be getting a mobile # soon. But not for the reason y'all think. Yes, I do want to talk to y'all, but with two part-time jobs and countless ministry opportunities, my current situation with no cell and no landline isn't working. Plus I've actually had about five mothers (most of them from the childcare at church) ask me if I babysat. Lol, who would have thought it, me, professional babysitter. Btw, does anyone know what the going hourly rate is? I honestly have no idea. The first time I was asked, I made the mistake of telling the lady I would do it for free...
In the past when I babysat, I didn't really pay attention, 'cuz I had no real need for money. I should be getting the # as soon as I get the deposit thing straightened out, so I will be deluged with calls from personal-time starved moms. So please, anyone that babysits, send me a message or leave a comment!
Well, I've written three pages already, so I'm going to close now. But to everyone that has been reading and thinking about me, thank you and hope you've gotten something out of what I have written.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Me, the Bean, and the Cafe (a love story)
Thursday, October 23, 2008
10:55pm
Floor of Bedroom, Twin Oaks
Let me tell you about today...
It was my first day by myself in the cafe; I was pretty nervous to tell you the truth. As someone who likes to know exactly what they are doing, before doing it, the inadequate training I received for this job really didn't cut it. But oh well, I guess it wouldn't be as funny if I had been thoroughly trained.
I arrived at work at 7:45am (I was supposed to clock in at 8am, we open at 9am), I wanted to get there early, so as to have extra time to open, seeing as it was my first time to do it alone. It was cold and windy. The only person there was my store manager, so seeing as the doors were locked I stood there and knocked...for fifteen minutes. Either she didn't hear me (?), I mean, come on, I could see her inside, all nice and warm...or she was still upset (more on that later). Anyway I finally got in at 8am when another manager showed up and let me and himself in.
I started on my work and all was progressing nicely, when about 15min into it my nose started to bleed (?). I know, random, but this wasn't a minor nosebleed, this was a real gusher; massive hemorrhaging in my left nostril. So I did my best imitation of a one-armed man while trying to set up chairs/tables, grind coffee beans, and do the countless other tasks the people up high intended to be done by able-bodied individuals. I somehow still managed to finish on time, which gave me just about ten minutes to count my till until we opened.
Attention, do not try to count one dollar bills with one hand; this can lead to severe frustration and a general inability to think straight.
After finally getting that taken care of and having my nose thankfully stop bleeding, I got to my register with two minutes to spare (8:58am), only to find out that the store management had failed to give me a till number/id. At this point I was thinking, "It's just not my day."
Fast forward to one hour later, my breathing had just started to slow down when we got hit by the 10 o'clock rush...
Imagine, hordes of thirsty, wet (it was raining), angry (it was raining) old ladies armed with lethal-looking umbrellas descending down upon my solitaire register. Me, standing bravely, ok scratch that, cowering, shielding myself behind my tiny monitor as they assaulted me with demands for exotic drinks I thought only existed in movies and books.
Forget the quote about hell having no fury like a woman scorned. Whoever said that hadn't met this group of caffeine-deprived Valkyries. These ladies were born angry.
One bright note, a lady (unrelated to the above furies) gave me a two dollar tip for a $1.71 drink. She said I had a nice smile. *smiles*
I'll admit, I made a few mistakes. I gave one guys a white chocolate cappuccino, when what he wanted was a vanilla cappuccino. He didn't say anything though, so either he didn't notice the difference (unlikely), or he felt sorry for me after seeing the tattered remains of my flag after the army passed though (probable). Oh, and I tried to sell another customer a 20oz triple-shot espresso...let me just say that three shot glasses of espresso does not add up to 20oz...but I guess that's what you get with a hung-over partyer who could barely stand up, and a new cafe guy who doesn't really know the menu and doesn't know better to correct the orders made by said party-er, who I'm pretty sure made that order up...
As I walk away, I look back and reflect on what happened today. I'm thankful God has given me the ability to be able to find humor in almost every situation. I made it though today without bursting into tears, or throwing down my apron and walking out (not really a option actually). In conclusion, all I can say is to never ever, cross anyone before they have had their coffee in the morning. Caffeine-addictions do horrible things to otherwise reasonable people.
I hope that you and your loved ones understand the hidden dangers and risky implications of this terrible killer, and oh, do come by and visit me at work some time and sample some of coffee's amazing goodness. =)
Because of the bean.
10:55pm
Floor of Bedroom, Twin Oaks
Let me tell you about today...
It was my first day by myself in the cafe; I was pretty nervous to tell you the truth. As someone who likes to know exactly what they are doing, before doing it, the inadequate training I received for this job really didn't cut it. But oh well, I guess it wouldn't be as funny if I had been thoroughly trained.
I arrived at work at 7:45am (I was supposed to clock in at 8am, we open at 9am), I wanted to get there early, so as to have extra time to open, seeing as it was my first time to do it alone. It was cold and windy. The only person there was my store manager, so seeing as the doors were locked I stood there and knocked...for fifteen minutes. Either she didn't hear me (?), I mean, come on, I could see her inside, all nice and warm...or she was still upset (more on that later). Anyway I finally got in at 8am when another manager showed up and let me and himself in.
I started on my work and all was progressing nicely, when about 15min into it my nose started to bleed (?). I know, random, but this wasn't a minor nosebleed, this was a real gusher; massive hemorrhaging in my left nostril. So I did my best imitation of a one-armed man while trying to set up chairs/tables, grind coffee beans, and do the countless other tasks the people up high intended to be done by able-bodied individuals. I somehow still managed to finish on time, which gave me just about ten minutes to count my till until we opened.
Attention, do not try to count one dollar bills with one hand; this can lead to severe frustration and a general inability to think straight.
After finally getting that taken care of and having my nose thankfully stop bleeding, I got to my register with two minutes to spare (8:58am), only to find out that the store management had failed to give me a till number/id. At this point I was thinking, "It's just not my day."
Fast forward to one hour later, my breathing had just started to slow down when we got hit by the 10 o'clock rush...
Imagine, hordes of thirsty, wet (it was raining), angry (it was raining) old ladies armed with lethal-looking umbrellas descending down upon my solitaire register. Me, standing bravely, ok scratch that, cowering, shielding myself behind my tiny monitor as they assaulted me with demands for exotic drinks I thought only existed in movies and books.
Forget the quote about hell having no fury like a woman scorned. Whoever said that hadn't met this group of caffeine-deprived Valkyries. These ladies were born angry.
One bright note, a lady (unrelated to the above furies) gave me a two dollar tip for a $1.71 drink. She said I had a nice smile. *smiles*
I'll admit, I made a few mistakes. I gave one guys a white chocolate cappuccino, when what he wanted was a vanilla cappuccino. He didn't say anything though, so either he didn't notice the difference (unlikely), or he felt sorry for me after seeing the tattered remains of my flag after the army passed though (probable). Oh, and I tried to sell another customer a 20oz triple-shot espresso...let me just say that three shot glasses of espresso does not add up to 20oz...but I guess that's what you get with a hung-over partyer who could barely stand up, and a new cafe guy who doesn't really know the menu and doesn't know better to correct the orders made by said party-er, who I'm pretty sure made that order up...
As I walk away, I look back and reflect on what happened today. I'm thankful God has given me the ability to be able to find humor in almost every situation. I made it though today without bursting into tears, or throwing down my apron and walking out (not really a option actually). In conclusion, all I can say is to never ever, cross anyone before they have had their coffee in the morning. Caffeine-addictions do horrible things to otherwise reasonable people.
I hope that you and your loved ones understand the hidden dangers and risky implications of this terrible killer, and oh, do come by and visit me at work some time and sample some of coffee's amazing goodness. =)
Because of the bean.
Fall Fashions for Interior Home Designing
Thursday, October 23, 2008
5:30pm
At a undisclosed location, Twin Oaks
I didn't finish all I wanted to say last night, so here it is...
Yesterday (Wednesday) was crazy, it actually goes back to Tuesday afternoon though.
Tuesday afternoon I had some delicious stir-fry. It was so good, I was still tasting it later that night at work. Literally...
I think it was about 10:45pm when I lost it all over the men's restroom. I'm just glad I make it there (I was working in the cafe that night; I know, gross right?). Well I ended up finishing my shift at midnight, where I went home and promptly ate a hamburger from two days before, (listen, it was a combination of sleep-deprivation, a semi-state of starvation, and just plain stupidity). I lost the cow meat (that's to you Chick-fil-a, eat more chicken!), about a hour and a/half later, then spent the rest of the night (Wed morning) wrapped around the toilet base dryheaving. Rofl, last night I was talking about God's faithfulness...help! =)
My grandmother showed up at the house as planned at 8am sharp. I was going to help her paint one of the bedrooms in their new (empty) (where I'm sleeping) house. The bottom half was pink (we were painting it gold), and the top, burgundy (I was painting it RED) (notice the all caps) (yes, omens of impending doom, lol). So the first hour of painting went normal, my grandmother did the bottom, while I did the top on a ladder. It must be that just when we let our guard down, disaster strikes, because I had just gotten into a steady rhythm of painting with my eyes half-closed (remember my night), when I bumped into and knocked the ladder over.
(collective gasp)
Now that wouldn't have been such a big deal, except for that gallon of RED paint sitting of the top of aforementioned ladder...
I wish I had captured the moment in a series of still-shots. It would have shown the ladder tipping, and my valiant though ultimately futile dive to catch it. It would have shown the can of RED paint freefall off the ladder, bounce off the wall as in the background my grandmother mouthed the words in horror, "He's going to kill you!" (referring to my step-grandfather). It would have shown my second swan-dive to try and redeem myself, again to no avail. And finally, it would have shown the paint can splattering all over the carpet and myself as I slid to a halt into the wall trying desperately to reach home before being tagged out.
I'll tell you what, it didn't take that much imagination to see my blood spattered all over the wall and carpet instead of the red paint. I can't even tell you how many things were running through my mind; in the back somewhere I'm sure I was wondering just how I managed, after having the deadline pushed back to the end of the month, to screw that opportunity up. But at the moment, the primary thing I was thinking about was my childhood (?). I'm not sure why, but I guess that with my step-grandfather coming back that night from a elk hunting trip in Colorado, in which he was unable to even get a shot at anything, I figured that he would be frustrated already, and only need a excuse to start shooting at something.
As I'm writing this the next day, it's obvious he hasn't taken any potshots at me...yet (he still doesn't know), but seeing as my grandmother told all her friends (which happen to be his friends too) at the Wed night church meal, I'm sure it will only be a matter of days before he finds out from someone else. Which brings me to my current situation; you know how they say during disaster warning times, to always be in a state of readiness? And how the Boy-Scouts' motto is like "Always be prepared"? Well, I'm living out those two mantras right now.
See my plan is this, I already have my bags packed in the my car trunk for the most part, and the rest I keep right next to me. So if at anytime during the night I hear the screeching of brakes and tires, the slamming of a car door, and the audible sound of a shell being chambered, the I know my time in Dodge City is up. This is the best part though, see as he comes in through the kitchen/garage door, I slip out the front door (which I'm sleeping next to, he doesn't know that though...yeh, deviously sneaky, I know), load up my car, and take off.
Now if he boxes my parked car in with his truck, I can always make a run for the hills (my essentials are packed next to me), and just hide out until dark. I know, I know, you say that my plan isn't very realistic, that there's no way I can outrun a truck driven by a angry man with a gun. But I gotta tell you, that it's either that or here's to praying that pink carpet comes into style before he runs out of ammunition.
The reason he didn't see the paint stains earlier, is 'cuz when he came into the room, I had strategically placed newspapers covering the smaller ones, and I was sitting on the largest one. Oh, and remember what I said before about being sleepy that morning while painting? Well as someone who works in a cafe and sees people with terrible hang-overs everyday, I just have to say this; forget the espresso, just go dump some paint on your grandparents' carpet...
5:30pm
At a undisclosed location, Twin Oaks
I didn't finish all I wanted to say last night, so here it is...
Yesterday (Wednesday) was crazy, it actually goes back to Tuesday afternoon though.
Tuesday afternoon I had some delicious stir-fry. It was so good, I was still tasting it later that night at work. Literally...
I think it was about 10:45pm when I lost it all over the men's restroom. I'm just glad I make it there (I was working in the cafe that night; I know, gross right?). Well I ended up finishing my shift at midnight, where I went home and promptly ate a hamburger from two days before, (listen, it was a combination of sleep-deprivation, a semi-state of starvation, and just plain stupidity). I lost the cow meat (that's to you Chick-fil-a, eat more chicken!), about a hour and a/half later, then spent the rest of the night (Wed morning) wrapped around the toilet base dryheaving. Rofl, last night I was talking about God's faithfulness...help! =)
My grandmother showed up at the house as planned at 8am sharp. I was going to help her paint one of the bedrooms in their new (empty) (where I'm sleeping) house. The bottom half was pink (we were painting it gold), and the top, burgundy (I was painting it RED) (notice the all caps) (yes, omens of impending doom, lol). So the first hour of painting went normal, my grandmother did the bottom, while I did the top on a ladder. It must be that just when we let our guard down, disaster strikes, because I had just gotten into a steady rhythm of painting with my eyes half-closed (remember my night), when I bumped into and knocked the ladder over.
(collective gasp)
Now that wouldn't have been such a big deal, except for that gallon of RED paint sitting of the top of aforementioned ladder...
I wish I had captured the moment in a series of still-shots. It would have shown the ladder tipping, and my valiant though ultimately futile dive to catch it. It would have shown the can of RED paint freefall off the ladder, bounce off the wall as in the background my grandmother mouthed the words in horror, "He's going to kill you!" (referring to my step-grandfather). It would have shown my second swan-dive to try and redeem myself, again to no avail. And finally, it would have shown the paint can splattering all over the carpet and myself as I slid to a halt into the wall trying desperately to reach home before being tagged out.
I'll tell you what, it didn't take that much imagination to see my blood spattered all over the wall and carpet instead of the red paint. I can't even tell you how many things were running through my mind; in the back somewhere I'm sure I was wondering just how I managed, after having the deadline pushed back to the end of the month, to screw that opportunity up. But at the moment, the primary thing I was thinking about was my childhood (?). I'm not sure why, but I guess that with my step-grandfather coming back that night from a elk hunting trip in Colorado, in which he was unable to even get a shot at anything, I figured that he would be frustrated already, and only need a excuse to start shooting at something.
As I'm writing this the next day, it's obvious he hasn't taken any potshots at me...yet (he still doesn't know), but seeing as my grandmother told all her friends (which happen to be his friends too) at the Wed night church meal, I'm sure it will only be a matter of days before he finds out from someone else. Which brings me to my current situation; you know how they say during disaster warning times, to always be in a state of readiness? And how the Boy-Scouts' motto is like "Always be prepared"? Well, I'm living out those two mantras right now.
See my plan is this, I already have my bags packed in the my car trunk for the most part, and the rest I keep right next to me. So if at anytime during the night I hear the screeching of brakes and tires, the slamming of a car door, and the audible sound of a shell being chambered, the I know my time in Dodge City is up. This is the best part though, see as he comes in through the kitchen/garage door, I slip out the front door (which I'm sleeping next to, he doesn't know that though...yeh, deviously sneaky, I know), load up my car, and take off.
Now if he boxes my parked car in with his truck, I can always make a run for the hills (my essentials are packed next to me), and just hide out until dark. I know, I know, you say that my plan isn't very realistic, that there's no way I can outrun a truck driven by a angry man with a gun. But I gotta tell you, that it's either that or here's to praying that pink carpet comes into style before he runs out of ammunition.
The reason he didn't see the paint stains earlier, is 'cuz when he came into the room, I had strategically placed newspapers covering the smaller ones, and I was sitting on the largest one. Oh, and remember what I said before about being sleepy that morning while painting? Well as someone who works in a cafe and sees people with terrible hang-overs everyday, I just have to say this; forget the espresso, just go dump some paint on your grandparents' carpet...
So Much More
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
8:25pm
Floor of Bedroom, Twin Oaks House
Wow, I haven't written for two whole days which is like a new record for me. But like everything else in life, there's a reason for that...it's been crazy.
But first, let me give a brief (yet through) synopsis of my last few weeks.
...ok, so I'm laughing to myself, 'cuz I'm really tired (more on that later), so I think I will take a nap and resume this post later tonight...
...(sounds of soft snoring)...
(resuming) 10:27pm
...ah, haha =), much better.
So anyway, the last few weeks have really been a time period in my life where I've been pulled and stretched in so many different ways. Good ways mostly, ways in which I've spent a lot of time on my knees praying, and a lot of time on my feet working to do my part.
I've gone from thinking that I had a place to stay until next fall when I start school, to finding out that I could no longer stay where I was and that I would need to find another place in less than ten days. I was told this in a time in my life when I had no job, no money, no prospects or immediate plans for other living accommodations, and no idea what so ever that I would be given this deadline. It's okay to laugh about it now, but at the time I was a little bit shocked, and a tiny bit in denial. That was on Monday night, October 13, 2008. I did not know where I would be sleeping the next week on Wednesday, October 22, 2008, which just so happens to be today!
Honestly, I was scared; scared of the unknown, yet at the same time for some reason that I can only attribute to the naivete of youth, excited. I'm sure you can all imagine my elation and relief two days later, when I received a phone call from Books-a-million telling me that they wanted to hire me. I am extremely glad no one else was there at the house (my grandmother was staying overnight at a friend's house, and my step-grandfather was in Colorado--I had to be out of the house by the time he got back next week on Wed).
For the next hour as I walked around the house getting dressed to go in and fill out the paperwork to be hired, I would randomly burst into laughter, or just start giggling like a little girl for no reason. I say no reason, but we both know that it was because I was so thankful for that phone call.
As the rest of the week pasted with me working eight hours everyday, I continued to seek other living options. But with no money, no credit, and only being eighteen years old, there weren't many options. In fact, after being kicked out of my grandparents' home, the only place I could find that would take me in was my car.
It smells nice.
That Sunday however, as those of you who have read my earlier posts know. God provided by sending someone literally out of the blue. Words could not express how grateful I am to this lady, who really without even knowing me, offered me a place to stay, until I could get back on my feet.
They say that God works in mysterious ways, and I have to agree with that saying. I don't know what went on, but after hearing about what happened on Sunday, my step-grandfather extended the date I could sleep on the floor of their empty house that they aren't living in until the end of the month. So I know have a job, a place to stay for the next nine days, and today I was interviewed and hired for a second part-time job that pays two dollars more a hour that my other job.
What can I say? This is only a fraction of what God has done in my life. Trust me, the story of the last three months is much longer. All I know is that every time I'm tempted to lose faith, God does something amazing.
I know that when I'm tired, I tend to not make much sense when I write, but I hope that if even everything I said was complete gibberish, that somehow, just a few drops of the joy, peace, and thankfulness that I'm experiencing right now trickled down to you.
There's so much more I want to write, but my hand is cramping up, and I have to get up early to work tomorrow, so goodnight and goodbye until next time.
Michael
8:25pm
Floor of Bedroom, Twin Oaks House
Wow, I haven't written for two whole days which is like a new record for me. But like everything else in life, there's a reason for that...it's been crazy.
But first, let me give a brief (yet through) synopsis of my last few weeks.
...ok, so I'm laughing to myself, 'cuz I'm really tired (more on that later), so I think I will take a nap and resume this post later tonight...
...(sounds of soft snoring)...
(resuming) 10:27pm
...ah, haha =), much better.
So anyway, the last few weeks have really been a time period in my life where I've been pulled and stretched in so many different ways. Good ways mostly, ways in which I've spent a lot of time on my knees praying, and a lot of time on my feet working to do my part.
I've gone from thinking that I had a place to stay until next fall when I start school, to finding out that I could no longer stay where I was and that I would need to find another place in less than ten days. I was told this in a time in my life when I had no job, no money, no prospects or immediate plans for other living accommodations, and no idea what so ever that I would be given this deadline. It's okay to laugh about it now, but at the time I was a little bit shocked, and a tiny bit in denial. That was on Monday night, October 13, 2008. I did not know where I would be sleeping the next week on Wednesday, October 22, 2008, which just so happens to be today!
Honestly, I was scared; scared of the unknown, yet at the same time for some reason that I can only attribute to the naivete of youth, excited. I'm sure you can all imagine my elation and relief two days later, when I received a phone call from Books-a-million telling me that they wanted to hire me. I am extremely glad no one else was there at the house (my grandmother was staying overnight at a friend's house, and my step-grandfather was in Colorado--I had to be out of the house by the time he got back next week on Wed).
For the next hour as I walked around the house getting dressed to go in and fill out the paperwork to be hired, I would randomly burst into laughter, or just start giggling like a little girl for no reason. I say no reason, but we both know that it was because I was so thankful for that phone call.
As the rest of the week pasted with me working eight hours everyday, I continued to seek other living options. But with no money, no credit, and only being eighteen years old, there weren't many options. In fact, after being kicked out of my grandparents' home, the only place I could find that would take me in was my car.
It smells nice.
That Sunday however, as those of you who have read my earlier posts know. God provided by sending someone literally out of the blue. Words could not express how grateful I am to this lady, who really without even knowing me, offered me a place to stay, until I could get back on my feet.
They say that God works in mysterious ways, and I have to agree with that saying. I don't know what went on, but after hearing about what happened on Sunday, my step-grandfather extended the date I could sleep on the floor of their empty house that they aren't living in until the end of the month. So I know have a job, a place to stay for the next nine days, and today I was interviewed and hired for a second part-time job that pays two dollars more a hour that my other job.
What can I say? This is only a fraction of what God has done in my life. Trust me, the story of the last three months is much longer. All I know is that every time I'm tempted to lose faith, God does something amazing.
I know that when I'm tired, I tend to not make much sense when I write, but I hope that if even everything I said was complete gibberish, that somehow, just a few drops of the joy, peace, and thankfulness that I'm experiencing right now trickled down to you.
There's so much more I want to write, but my hand is cramping up, and I have to get up early to work tomorrow, so goodnight and goodbye until next time.
Michael
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Sacrifice is Worth It
Monday, October 20, 2008
10:53pm
At a undisclosed location, Twin Oaks
I watched The Guardian tonight. For those of you who are not familiar with the name; it is a film about Coast Guard rescue swimmers and the sacrifices they make, sometimes even their own lives, in order that others may live. It resonated well with a theme that has been on my mind the last month. Sacrifice is all about making choices (often painful ones), that mean giving up something meaningful so that others may receive that which was previously unobtainable.
The perfect example of this is the picture of Christ, hanging from the cross, suffering and dying for our sins, so that we might gain life eternal. There is a verse in the New Testament that I will post later, (once I find it), =) that talks about being His ambassadors on earth and letting Him shine His light through us.
A life lived for others, for a noble purpose, is a life worth living. We are called to a life of sacrifice, in every aspect of our lives; this is our mission on earth.
So that others may live.
10:53pm
At a undisclosed location, Twin Oaks
I watched The Guardian tonight. For those of you who are not familiar with the name; it is a film about Coast Guard rescue swimmers and the sacrifices they make, sometimes even their own lives, in order that others may live. It resonated well with a theme that has been on my mind the last month. Sacrifice is all about making choices (often painful ones), that mean giving up something meaningful so that others may receive that which was previously unobtainable.
The perfect example of this is the picture of Christ, hanging from the cross, suffering and dying for our sins, so that we might gain life eternal. There is a verse in the New Testament that I will post later, (once I find it), =) that talks about being His ambassadors on earth and letting Him shine His light through us.
A life lived for others, for a noble purpose, is a life worth living. We are called to a life of sacrifice, in every aspect of our lives; this is our mission on earth.
So that others may live.
Life is a Smoothie
Monday, October 20, 2008
10:27pm
Floor of Empty House, Twin Oaks (where I'm sleeping)
Today I worked from 8am to 4pm in the cafe. I now know how to make about eight different kinds of smoothies. Spending all that time working with fruit puree and crushed ice got me to thinking; life is very much like a smoothie. Sure different flavors go into specific drinks, but just like life's circumstances and the way we react to them, it's what is inside the mold that makes us who we are. We all only get one earthly life to live, and that smoothie can only be drank once.
Is the price worth it? As you peruse down life's menu of choices, you will be faced with many hard decisions. Thankfully, we don't have to close our eyes and randomly point. God has given us His Word, and has put special individuals in our lives to help guide us along the right path.
Although I feel that this analogy has many qualified points, I do think that in the future I will refrain from countering the question I was asked so often today, "What do y'all have in your smoothies?", with "What types of choices do you make in your life?".
I got too many weird looks...
As I close this note, I have to ask you one final (compound) question.
What are you putting into your smoothie, and is it worth it?
10:27pm
Floor of Empty House, Twin Oaks (where I'm sleeping)
Today I worked from 8am to 4pm in the cafe. I now know how to make about eight different kinds of smoothies. Spending all that time working with fruit puree and crushed ice got me to thinking; life is very much like a smoothie. Sure different flavors go into specific drinks, but just like life's circumstances and the way we react to them, it's what is inside the mold that makes us who we are. We all only get one earthly life to live, and that smoothie can only be drank once.
Is the price worth it? As you peruse down life's menu of choices, you will be faced with many hard decisions. Thankfully, we don't have to close our eyes and randomly point. God has given us His Word, and has put special individuals in our lives to help guide us along the right path.
Although I feel that this analogy has many qualified points, I do think that in the future I will refrain from countering the question I was asked so often today, "What do y'all have in your smoothies?", with "What types of choices do you make in your life?".
I got too many weird looks...
As I close this note, I have to ask you one final (compound) question.
What are you putting into your smoothie, and is it worth it?
Sunday, October 19, 2008
For the Faith of a Two-Year-Old
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Approximately 9:45am
In the car on the way to church (late)
Last night was my final night to sleep in a bed for I don't know how long. I'm not upset, I have accepted the facts with the flexibility of youth. Facts that include: I have a new job, I have no money, I won't be paid for another week, and I don't know where I will be sleeping after Tuesday night. But there is one fact that you need to know above everything else; I am in this position because of one person's inability to change. I don't know what God is trying to teach me, but I am praying for His grace from above to be able to move on with a wonderful life, without becoming cynical and bitter.
On a lighter note, I must confess that I do not leave empty-handed. This morning, I didn't drive off until collecting as many toilet paper rolls as I could stuff into my bags. I am ashamed to admit it, but with the prospect of sleeping in my car for several weeks, the basic instinct for self-preservation must have kicked in. I assure you that this is completely out of character for me to commit a act of such dubious nature.
:UPDATE:
Same day, 2:01pm
Wandering on foot in the general vicinity of my new neighborhood Twin Oaks (my grandparents' new empty house)
Since this morning, God has provided amazingly! It brings to mind Matthew 6:26,
"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?"
As many of you know, I have been volunteering with the two year olds at my church for the last three weeks. Today as I kept busy playing with the kids, the other two teachers, both moms, kept busy peppering me with questions ranging from: my reasons for moving up here, to girlfriends, to what type of floss I used (?). One of the more pertinent questions asked was where I was living currently. Once they heard about my situation (don't worry, I changed all the names to grant full anonymity to all parties), they immediately expressed deep sympathy and promises of free home-cooked southern meals. Which was all good except that I really needed was a place to stay, not necessarily fried chicken and okra, for all it's deep-south goodness.
But again, for all my skepticism, my God owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and of His abundance He gives richly to all those who ask. As I left my empty classroom, and begin the walk to my car, I was stopped in the hallway by one of the two moms that had so mercilessly interrogated me earlier that morning. She said that she knew that I didn't really know her, but that she had a younger brother my age, and that no one should have to sleep in their car. she gave me her number, and told me that even if for only one night, that she wanted me to call her, rather than spend a night with my seat back and my feet dangling on my dashboard.
Just this morning, when things looked bleak; I told myself to believe, to have faith. God has never let me down, and He will always be there for you.
To Him be the glory.
Approximately 9:45am
In the car on the way to church (late)
Last night was my final night to sleep in a bed for I don't know how long. I'm not upset, I have accepted the facts with the flexibility of youth. Facts that include: I have a new job, I have no money, I won't be paid for another week, and I don't know where I will be sleeping after Tuesday night. But there is one fact that you need to know above everything else; I am in this position because of one person's inability to change. I don't know what God is trying to teach me, but I am praying for His grace from above to be able to move on with a wonderful life, without becoming cynical and bitter.
On a lighter note, I must confess that I do not leave empty-handed. This morning, I didn't drive off until collecting as many toilet paper rolls as I could stuff into my bags. I am ashamed to admit it, but with the prospect of sleeping in my car for several weeks, the basic instinct for self-preservation must have kicked in. I assure you that this is completely out of character for me to commit a act of such dubious nature.
:UPDATE:
Same day, 2:01pm
Wandering on foot in the general vicinity of my new neighborhood Twin Oaks (my grandparents' new empty house)
Since this morning, God has provided amazingly! It brings to mind Matthew 6:26,
"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?"
As many of you know, I have been volunteering with the two year olds at my church for the last three weeks. Today as I kept busy playing with the kids, the other two teachers, both moms, kept busy peppering me with questions ranging from: my reasons for moving up here, to girlfriends, to what type of floss I used (?). One of the more pertinent questions asked was where I was living currently. Once they heard about my situation (don't worry, I changed all the names to grant full anonymity to all parties), they immediately expressed deep sympathy and promises of free home-cooked southern meals. Which was all good except that I really needed was a place to stay, not necessarily fried chicken and okra, for all it's deep-south goodness.
But again, for all my skepticism, my God owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and of His abundance He gives richly to all those who ask. As I left my empty classroom, and begin the walk to my car, I was stopped in the hallway by one of the two moms that had so mercilessly interrogated me earlier that morning. She said that she knew that I didn't really know her, but that she had a younger brother my age, and that no one should have to sleep in their car. she gave me her number, and told me that even if for only one night, that she wanted me to call her, rather than spend a night with my seat back and my feet dangling on my dashboard.
Just this morning, when things looked bleak; I told myself to believe, to have faith. God has never let me down, and He will always be there for you.
To Him be the glory.
The Secret to Happiness
Saturday, October 18, 2008
7:47pm
Outside Patio/Books-a-million Cafe
Lunch Break
Today was pretty uneventful; I was supposed to be off today, but at about four pm, I got a call from Devon (my manager). She wanted to know if I could come in and close (12am). Normally I would have rather spent a Sat night elsewhere (added into the mix, is Sun morn with the two years olds during the 9:45 and 11:00 services =)), but at this point I am grateful for as many hours as possible.
I have to ask myself a question though, if the only purpose of a job is to sustain life and nothing else, is that not time wasted? Why would one want to spend precious minutes going through the motions merely to survive? Haha, and smart-alecks out there...don't say "to survive". There is more to life that that, and I am right to want more. People should be able to enjoy what they do for a living. But isn't satisfaction derived from contentment? And contentment is often merely a reflection of one's outlook on life. I am happiest when helping people; sometimes I guess, the secret to happiness only requires a different outlook on life.
7:47pm
Outside Patio/Books-a-million Cafe
Lunch Break
Today was pretty uneventful; I was supposed to be off today, but at about four pm, I got a call from Devon (my manager). She wanted to know if I could come in and close (12am). Normally I would have rather spent a Sat night elsewhere (added into the mix, is Sun morn with the two years olds during the 9:45 and 11:00 services =)), but at this point I am grateful for as many hours as possible.
I have to ask myself a question though, if the only purpose of a job is to sustain life and nothing else, is that not time wasted? Why would one want to spend precious minutes going through the motions merely to survive? Haha, and smart-alecks out there...don't say "to survive". There is more to life that that, and I am right to want more. People should be able to enjoy what they do for a living. But isn't satisfaction derived from contentment? And contentment is often merely a reflection of one's outlook on life. I am happiest when helping people; sometimes I guess, the secret to happiness only requires a different outlook on life.
Winter Warmth
Friday, October 17, 2008
Approximately 8:00pm
Outside Patio/Books-a-million Cafe
Lunch Break
The brisk air nips at the end of my nose and the tips of my ears. I sit here writing, slowly sipping my hot apple cider with a hint of lemon and orange (thanks Kat ;)). My pen softly scratches the paper, trekking its way across the white terrain as I feel the warmth run through my veins. Ah, I laugh to myself, its a eerie feeling; warm on the inside, cold on the out. I wonder, how many people are like this? The scowls and aloofness; shields to guard against heartbreak. Masks' for breathing, feeling, emotions; trapped away inside.
Are you willing to brave the cold, in order to reach that which is warm?
Approximately 8:00pm
Outside Patio/Books-a-million Cafe
Lunch Break
The brisk air nips at the end of my nose and the tips of my ears. I sit here writing, slowly sipping my hot apple cider with a hint of lemon and orange (thanks Kat ;)). My pen softly scratches the paper, trekking its way across the white terrain as I feel the warmth run through my veins. Ah, I laugh to myself, its a eerie feeling; warm on the inside, cold on the out. I wonder, how many people are like this? The scowls and aloofness; shields to guard against heartbreak. Masks' for breathing, feeling, emotions; trapped away inside.
Are you willing to brave the cold, in order to reach that which is warm?
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