Into the dark, hello old friend

(this was originally posted on twitter between the hours of four and five am)

finally made it to here. Knoxville. 2am, and it was snowing everywhere. it was beautiful. there was a road that overlooked the city lights.

the view was breathtaking. it really made the drive worth it.

driving back was a bit of an hassle as the roads were slick and the snow clumped to the tires fairly quickly but per usual my superior driving skills (.) <---bemused face, successfully navigated everyone home.

among other things that have made this trip an experience was a chance meeting between two strangers.

i saw a man. illuminated in my highlights. i had been driving for five hours, and was in the hilly part west of nox. it was bitterly cold outside. and he needed a ride.

i've never done anything like this before. i'm not careless. i fully understand the dangers of hitchhikers.

But i also understand that we are called for a better purpose and i would be failing my duty if i did not act...

don't worry Mom, I asked cathlyn to text me every ten minutes asking if i was still ok, so i did my best to be as safe as possible.

his name was curtis and he was a trucker whose car's water pump had frozen. he was headed for his rig. twenty-five miles down the road. he had no one else to drive him. we laughed after he admitted he had even called his ex-wife.

i picked him up four miles into his trek. he was out of breath when he climbed in from running up to my waiting car, his hands, chapped with cold as we shook hands...

the next seventeen miles flew by as we talked about life on the road as a driver, the interior decorations of rigs, husband and wife driving combos (bunkbeds!), and how in arkansas the fine for speeding is $200 for every mile gone over (correct me anyone if im wrong. thanks).

After we got to his rig, I got to see exactly how the bunkbeds unfolded down from the wall by twisting the circular lock counter-clockwise, the miniture fridge, the telly (mb shoutout) cubbiedholed away in the corner, and the crown jewel of it all, a cobra 29 radio.

he called for a radio check, I strained to hear..a voice-crackled across the air, "K-town", beginning of story.

I was smitten.

(btw, the electromagnetic spectrum is a fascinating thing)

Now, although I think that driving a triple digit ride on a day-to-day basis would extremely interesting, I understand that at this point it is not very feasible. Sometimes, we have to wait on the fickle dubiety of life. Oh well, either way I know I will enjoy it.

Closing this story, I probably won't ever meet Curtis again, but during my brief time spent with him, I felt a kinship with my fellow man and my soul wept.

Life is often full of difficulties and hardships. I guess the question is, when the ride's over, what did you learn from it?

this is me, michael. signing off. goodnight

Death and All His Friends

Well long time no see.. I've been playing a lot of HoN (Heroes of Newerth) lately as well as watching WAY too much of this, all of which contributes to me not getting enough sleep (as always). I'm really looking forward to this weekend because I've been wanting to start running again and somehow I never find the time during the work week. Hopefully, I'll be more disciplined in the future. yeah. probably not.

i'm not really sure why i'm writing here..just felt the need to scribble something down. oh, plus i like blogs because i don't have to follow standard english and grammer rules. :p

Artist Spotlight: James Blackshaw

Artist Spotlight: Keith Kenniff

I ran across Keith Kenniff's music after browsing myspace's music artist-hopping. Apparently he also has a side-project called Mint Julep which did the background music in this Levi's Go Forth commercial about a polo league for inner-city kids.

Great relaxing stuff.

Cheers.

michael

edit: cool cool. Keith Kenniff is also Helios! Mint Julep is composed of him and his wife Holly Kenniff.

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,


On this special day of your birthday I want you to know how much I love you. You cannot understand how much I wish I could be home with you, Dad, and the rest of the family celebrating your amazing time here on earth. I hope that this letter will help a little in expressing how I feel when I think about you and everything you mean to me.

Dear Mom, thanks for always being there to remind me to be kind and patient to others. I know that you're not perfect and for some reason when growing up I expected you to be, but any woman that can bear, raise and educate twelve children is an amazing woman in my book. I hope that one day I'll be lucky enough as Dad was to find a beautiful girl to share my life and home with me.

Dear Mom, I take back what I said about being sad that I'm here and you're in Texas. I'm sorta glad that you're far away 'cuz I'm getting choked up right now and it's still embarrassing to me for you to see me cry. Maybe someday I'll be a big enough man that it won't be such a big deal.

Dear Mom, I'm sorry for all the times I got upset because you were right and I was wrong. I know now that you and Dad were doing what was best for me even though I was foolish enough to think that I knew it all back then. I am SO thankful that y'all didn't give up on me.

These days when I'm away at school and I see my friends who sometimes don't have a stable loving home, I'm reminded of much I'm grateful of everything you and Dad have done over the years. I know now that you are the perfect person to be my mother and I wouldn't ever trade you for anything in the world!


Dear Mom, I love you. Have I said that yet? I don't want you to see me cry, but I don't mind telling you that I love you. THAT doesn't bother me at all.

I used to think that it was part of growing up, this being "cool" and not talking to your parents about things, boy was I wrong. These days it bothers me when I call home and you're not there for me to tell you how my week went because you're out running errands, taking kids to doctors’ appointments, or any one of the million things you do while taking care of a large family. Silly how I used to be isn't it?


Dear Mom, WE LIKE YOU. I think that all my siblings would agree with me on this. You're pretty much our favorite person in the world. (Sorry Dad jk)

Honestly, I don't know what we would do without you. I still remember you patiently going over phonics with Jonathan and I back in Biloxi when we first started school. I remember hating it because I wanted to be outside playing; and me acting out because you insisted on us learning our alphabet before we could play. Good thing you didn't let me have my way or otherwise this letter might never have been written! To me, the inspiring thing is that over fourteen years later you are faithfully teaching the same subjects ,that I tried so hard to resist learning, to my younger siblings who are just now starting school. Mom, you're amazing!

It was your careful teaching that helped instill in me a love for learning, reading, and knowledge which has shaped who I am today. I know that you will continue to do a phenomenal job with the rest of my siblings’ education. Just remember that whenever you want a break to go on vacation all you have to do is call me and I'll come home and help watch the kids while you and Dad go take a cruise. The house will be fine. I promise you my eleven siblings and I won't throw any parties while yall are away. Haha


Dear Mom, Don't worry. There aren't any girls in my life right now that you don't know about. I didn't want to put this in here because I'm a guy, but I know it's important for moms to hear. Someday, when I meet a certain girl that I think is the one, I'll be sure to let you know so you can meet her. But that might be a while...your mom (Grandma) says "No girls until after college Michael" haha


Dear Mom, I want to let you know that school is swell. Everybody is super nice and I love meeting and talking to new people. Of course, I miss everyone at home a ton.


Dear Mom, I'm sorry this letter is so long, but you see, there is so much I could write to you about. I started off this letter not really sure what I was going to say. I hope I haven't written too much but in case you didn't know I'm a huge fan of yours. I suppose all letters eventually have to end somewhere through so I guess I'll just close this one with,


Dear Mom,

I love you.


Love, your oldest son,

Michael

Home from Afar: Looking Back

I recently realized that I've been in Tennessee for over a year. Thinking about that prompted me to write this. (that and it's 5am, I'm at the library and am sick and tired of homework lol)

It's hard to believe that its been this long.
When I left home last fall, I remember boarding the greyhound bus, watching my parents slowly slip out of sight as the bus pulled away from the station, and wondering if I had made a mistake.
I remember the girl in the bus who told me she was going to New York City to live with her boyfriend and how her mom cried as the bus left the terminal.
I remember the eighteen hours I spent on those buses, and how I vowed to never ride another bus for that long again in my life.
I remember my first night in Tennessee. I was so homesick that night.

I remember living out in the country and I kid you not, working in the fields, following a tractor, so that I would have gas money to drive into town so as to go job-hunting.

I remember moving into town and sleeping on the floor of an empty house.

I remember sleeping out of my car.

I remember going from the floor of an empty house and my car to what can only be described as the exact opposite thanks to some of the most giving people I've ever met.

I remember moving to Memphis and unfortunately making a lot of decisions I regret.

I remember finally figuring out, that just because you can do it, doesn't mean you have to do it.

I hope I've matured since then. I know I'm a different person from when I left a year ago.

These days, I can't help but laugh when I call home and my entire conversation with my little brother consists of me repeatedly saying something and him yelling "whaaaat?? I can't hear you!" sometimes I find the easiest thing to say that we both understand is "I love you sammy. I miss you" And yeah, maybe I was being a little more emotional than usual considering the fact that I had barely slept the night before, but there's something especially special when your three yr-old sister tells you she loves you on her own initiative.

This is what being the oldest of twelve kids means to me. It's knowing that you have eleven pairs of eyes watching you, wondering what you're going to do in that next situation. It's knowing that most likely they're going to try and do the exact same thing when they're faced with similar odds. It's knowing that, yes, it's a responsibility, but it's also a blessing, because you have those eleven other people cheering for you to succeed because they love you and look up to you. It's calling home and getting off the phone three hours later after talking to eleven to twelve different people, answering all the same questions over and over, but not minding one bit. It's visiting your family for the first time since you left, seeing how much everyone's grown up, and realizing that you're missing out a little on their lives. It hurts. It's suddenly realizing that you aren't embarrassed anymore to be seen out in public with your family, because you now know what truly counts.

I could go on, but I'm sure you get the gist of what I'm trying to say. Never let go or forget the important things in life. For me, family is more important than almost anything else. I'm daily reminded of this as I go about life.

If you were to ask me to tell you something about myself, I'd probably point you here.

This is what I value.

This is home to me.

Artist Spotlight: Olàfur Arnalds

Olàfur Arnalds

Icelandic composer and multi-instrumentalist

http://www.last.fm/music/%C3%93lafur+Arnalds

Wikipedia Page

He has also collaborated with Heaven Shall Burn in these pieces:

This New Beginning

One thing I'm struck by as I walk around campus is the diversity of the people around me. I've spent so much time away from large groups like this, that I'm still getting used to seeing this many different faces at one time in one place.

It's times like these when I start to think about their individual lives. Where do they come from? What is their goal in life? I'm sure they have struggles and difficulties just like me.

The cosmos is filled with differing threads of life. Consider our world. Not the whole thing, but the tiny part of it we know and live in. Our lives, passing one another, briefly interacting with each other, weaving the fabric that makes up what we know as life.

Shouldn't we be trying to make a difference in others' lives? I know that I'm a bit nervous and slightly overwhelmed at the newness of everything. However, I just need to remember that for the majority of the people in my classes, they will be dealing with the same emotions as me.

Most of the time I like to proof/revise what I write before I post it. In this case, I'm just sharing some observations I gleaned today about campus. For many, today was their first day of college classes. A step into another world, one that they've probably thought about for the past few years. What types of choices will they make from today to when they graduate? What type of people will they become?

My goal would be to leave the college phase of my life as a better person. A person, who has faced difficulties and trials, whether they be academic deadlines or decisions that directly effect my immediate life, and come out of it victorious. In every situation living as I say I believe.

I wrote these quotes over time as they came to me and although they sounded good in my head (lol), I didn't really feel like they applied to my current situation. It's only now after surviving my first official day of college classes that I begin to see what they mean.

"The people that need help the most, are the ones we pass everyday without noticing."

"But what if I don't have all the answers? What if I'm just as hopelessly lost and confused as you are?"

"Life is the continuing pursuit of truth and meaning."

"I believe in God, not because I am unwilling to face the questions, but rather because the existence of God answers those questions best for me."

Perhaps, that's the truest test that faces all of us as we enter into this next chapter of our lives. This is the time, when we leave our homes and our parents' beliefs, and forge a standard of our own. We need to ask ourselves two questions: Who do we say we are? And how does this contrast with who we actually are when no one's looking?
May we all live according to that which benefits the highest standard, and may we not be found lacking.

-michael

Artist Spotlight: Gregor Samsa

If you're into post-rock/ambient/shoegaze/psychedelic music (I am), then you should enjoy this artist.

http://www.last.fm/music/Gregor+Samsa

I would also encourage you to check out the rest of the artists on their record label The Kora Records.

http://www.thekorarecords.com/

Some interesting stuff there. Including this artist:

http://www.last.fm/music/Meredith+Bragg+and+the+Terminals


Hope you enjoy!

Me, the Bean, and the Cafe (a love story) ::reposted::

::Originally Posted on 10/23/2008::

Thursday, October 23, 2008
10:55pm
Floor of Bedroom, Twin Oaks

Let me tell you about today...

It was my first day by myself in the cafe; I was pretty nervous to tell you the truth. As someone who likes to know exactly what they are doing, before doing it, the inadequate training I received for this job really didn't cut it. But oh well, I guess it wouldn't be as funny if I had been thoroughly trained.

I arrived at work at 7:45am (I was supposed to clock in at 8am, we open at 9am), I wanted to get there early, so as to have extra time to open, seeing as it was my first time to do it alone. It was cold and windy. The only person there was my store manager, so seeing as the doors were locked I stood there and knocked...for fifteen minutes. Either she didn't hear me (?), I mean, come on, I could see her inside, all nice and warm...or she was still upset (more on that later). Anyway I finally got in at 8am when another manager showed up and let me and himself in.

I started on my work and all was progressing nicely, when about 15min into it my nose started to bleed (?). I know, random, but this wasn't a minor nosebleed, this was a real gusher; massive hemorrhaging in my left nostril. So I did my best imitation of a one-armed man while trying to set up chairs/tables, grind coffee beans, and do the countless other tasks the people up high intended to be done by able-bodied individuals. I somehow still managed to finish on time, which gave me just about ten minutes to count my till until we opened.
Attention, do not try to count one dollar bills with one hand; this can lead to severe frustration and a general inability to think straight.

After finally getting that taken care of and having my nose thankfully stop bleeding, I got to my register with two minutes to spare (8:58am), only to find out that the store management had failed to give me a till number/id. At this point I was thinking, "It's just not my day."

Fast forward to one hour later, my breathing had just started to slow down when we got hit by the 10 o'clock rush...
Imagine, hordes of thirsty, wet (it was raining), angry (it was raining) old ladies armed with lethal-looking umbrellas descending down upon my solitaire register. Me, standing bravely, ok scratch that, cowering, shielding myself behind my tiny monitor as they assaulted me with demands for exotic drinks I thought only existed in movies and books.
Forget the quote about hell having no fury like a woman scorned. Whoever said that hadn't met this group of caffeine-deprived Valkyries. These ladies were born angry.

One bright note, a lady (unrelated to the above furies) gave me a two dollar tip for a $1.71 drink. She said I had a nice smile. *smiles*

I'll admit, I made a few mistakes. I gave one guys a white chocolate cappuccino, when what he wanted was a vanilla cappuccino. He didn't say anything though, so either he didn't notice the difference (unlikely), or he felt sorry for me after seeing the tattered remains of my flag after the army passed though (probable). Oh, and I tried to sell another customer a 20oz triple-shot espresso...let me just say that three shot glasses of espresso does not add up to 20oz...but I guess that's what you get with a hung-over partyer who could barely stand up, and a new cafe guy who doesn't really know the menu and doesn't know better to correct the orders made by said party-er, who I'm pretty sure made that order up...

As I walk away, I look back and reflect on what happened today. I'm thankful God has given me the ability to be able to find humor in almost every situation. I made it though today without bursting into tears, or throwing down my apron and walking out (not really a option actually). In conclusion, all I can say is to never ever, cross anyone before they have had their coffee in the morning. Caffeine-addictions do horrible things to otherwise reasonable people.

I hope that you and your loved ones understand the hidden dangers and risky implications of this terrible killer, and oh, do come by and visit me at work some time and sample some of coffee's amazing goodness. =)

Because of the bean.

Quotes

Quotes I found interesting...

"I strive for mine own identity, but consciousness tells me that I am no different from them. I persevere in the isolation of my beliefs, knowing that even if I were to fail, at least the effort involved is self-validation of one's own nature."

"I believe, but only to the extent that it behoofs me to explain the world around me."

"Life is the continuing pursuit of truth and meaning."

"The wit of life is what makes getting out of bed every morning enjoyable."

"True unrequited love, the giving of one's self for another, is the greatest gift life has to offer."

"The people that need help the most, are the ones we pass everyday without noticing."

This World: Alone (Pt. 1)

Just some random thoughts from tonight...
What would you give or do to not ever have to feel lonely again? If you've ever felt completely alone, then you will understand what I'm asking.
The pain of loneliness, the feeling of being in a city full of people, but not belonging. Unnoticed. Forgotten. Alone.
::
Everyone is born with a certain capacity to love/give. Some more so than others. Consider the example of the individual who has a great capacity to give, and her interaction with the people around her who live only for themselves and to take from others. At what point does she reach her breaking point and decide that she just can't do it any longer?
What happens then? Is she irreparably changed for the worst, living out the rest of her life bitter and morose? Or does she, being emotionally devastated, end up taking her own life after fully realizing the implications of a cruel cold world?
::
What about a third path? What about beauty and love? What about the majesty of nature? What about sacrificial giving? Are these things alone enough? Or does life require something more in order to LIVE.

The Night Before Today

Hah, so were should I start? Today has been interesting to say the least. I believe it actually started yesterday through with me going to sleep for the night at 10am in the morning. I had a beautiful night of rest, not waking up until 7pm that evening. Upon getting up I went out to hunt and feed for a while..heh, jk jk, but seriously, once I got up I went grocery shopping and picked up an interesting movie entitled Waltz with Bashir.

My day went fairly normal:
10pm: Dinner, watched Waltz with Bashir
1230am: Read The Portrait of a Lady, Henry James, listened to music
217am: Worked out, more music
314am: Found this awesome website about wines
403am: Online poker
516am: Did school stuff mostly just getting ready for orientation
645am: Breakfast!
710am: Facebook, oh and I pretty much listened to music the whole day haha
830am: Took shower, got ready for work
920am: Opened work
1025am: Rode on the trunk on a Lexus while standing up lol
Approx noon: sold $5500 diamond ring woot!
420pm: Went home early, wasn't feeling well...hmmm, wonder why


I got home and slept until 8pm and have been up since!

Artist Spotlight: Max Richter

There are some things in life that inspire one to dream and live life the way it was meant to be lived. The music of Max Richter is one of these things.

http://www.maxrichter.com/

http://www.myspace.com/maxrichtermusic

New Direction

So it's been a while, and I've decided to take this blog in a different direction. In the past I had primarily used it to describe my somewhat hectic life. At the time I felt that this was useful as I didn't really have anyone to talk to, and writing about what was going on in my life helped me understand what God was doing a little better. Obviously He's not done, but my life has calmed down immensely since then. Therefore, as previously mentioned, I've decided to use this blog to write observations on life, reviews on music/films that I find pertinent, and just generally update it with my day-to-day actions. I'll try to update it several times a day, so be sure to check it out frequently!

Hope you enjoy and get as much out of it as I do!

-michael

Since Then

God has a plan...I keep telling myself that...and for good reason too. My step-grandfather has changed his mind once again, and for some reason, I'm glad. It gives me to opportunity to trust God, and bring a conclusion to this see-saw of a emotional roller coaster. Oh don't get me wrong, I love roller coasters! Just not when they are affecting my immediate future.

So my plans of the moment....find another place to live, get a driver's license that isn't expired, don't get in a car wreck before getting previously mentioned driver's license, try not to get fired, and uhm, fill out college applications, which is hard when you don't have any money for application fees...lol...

I have a place to stay though Saturday night and then at this point I'm not sure where I will be. I'm not back in my car just yet, and you would think that by this point I'd be used to it; but it's still a eerie feeling not knowing where you will be sleeping in a few days.

Other news:
My grandmother was in a car accident recently! She's ok, thank God, but the 8-point buck she hit and killed isn't fairing too well...especially after those two rednecks drove up, hopped out of their truck, asked my grandmother if she was ok, then loaded up the buck and took off...yeh...

Also, I made a new friend...he doesn't spell very well, (and I HATE typos), so as his friend I took the opportunity to help him in learning that "therapie" is actually spelled with a "y"...which was all good and well until he posted on my facebook wall, "it's not water therapie, it's water therapy"...since then I've been deluged by friends asking me why I can't spell therapy...oh the things I sacrifice for friendship! ;-)

God has opened up a lot of doors in witnessing to people. Just last night at work, (4pm-12am), I had the opportunity to talk to a man about abortion and why I vote pro-life; a co-worker about evolution/creationism the existence and validity of God, and invited another co-worker to come to church with me next Sunday.

I love my life!

The Winds of Change

Everyone likes safety nets...a job, food, a place to live, money....things that make you feel secure in life. For me, the last few weeks, I've been rollin' along without much of anything earthly to make me feel secure. That has changed. Actually a lot has changed. I'm happy. I have two jobs, possibly a third job, today I turned down a fourth job offer. I don't mind working doing menial labor--grunt work--for low pay. But when I'm in a position where I can choose, I feel extra blessed. I have a place where I can stay until I find a apartment. A place which I feel was the best of all of the options. A place with family.

Like I said, a lot has changed. For the better of course. I think that through all of this, God has been teaching me a valuable lesson. I've had to rely upon Him in ways I never did before. But I am not the only one who has been affected.

This morning I was to meet the couple that had originally said I had a place at their home if I ever needed it. I was supposed to meet them at 11am for lunch. I was literally walking out the door to go there, when the phone rang. I hesitated, then decided to answer it quickly. The time was 10:55am. It was my step-grandfather. He said that he wanted to talk to me about something. What he said on the phone is confidential, but God had been working in his heart as well. He basically told me that I could stay with him and my grandmother for as long as I needed until I found a apartment. The phone call ended at 11:05am. Please, can you imagine what was going through my head right then?

Talk about God's timing. I am just overwhelmed about everything that has been happening. Time and time again, He has shown Himself to be faithful regardless of my tiny faith.

I will write more, but after my thoughts are a little more clear.

The Cold Hands of Redemption

Wednesday, October 29, 2008
8:45am (library opens at 9am)
Front Seat of Car, Library Parking Lot

Hey! So I survived the night. Lol, it got pretty cold; I had on like two jackets, but was still freezing. So I wrapped two dress shirts which I had in my bad around my legs and feet to stay warm. I dozed on and off because of the cold, but I was also sorta afraid of going to sleep, 'cuz in all the movies I seen, the guy sleeping in his car always gets awakened by a cop shining a flashlight and wanting license/registration...Mhm, and my TX license is like seven months expired. Lol, ok, I haven't renewed it, 'cuz I don't have the money. But it's top priority, I promise. Remember, safety first kids. ;-)

My night was interesting to say the least...I finally gave up trying to sleep at about 5am, so I got out of my car, got undressed (lol, the dress shirts around my legs; yes I had jeans on undernearth), and brushed my teeth like I always do when I wake up (the flavor was intense, try mixing cinnamon toothpaste with dr pepper, and you will understand what I'm talking about), then hung out at wal-mart reading twilight/new moon/and almost all of eclipse, oh and i also finished up brisingr (which I thought was pretty lame). (hey I read fast)...

If you read my last post, then you know how important I believe good family relationships are. Well I had to go back this morning to pick up the rest of my stuff from my grandparents' house. So I got there at 7:30am, set off their alarm, and woke them up...yep...hey, in my defense, they are like always up by 6:00am...

So way to go, Michael! But I went ahead and loaded up my stuff, then something amazing happened. I sat down at that table hurt, frustrated, and saddened to talk to them before I left. I got up 30min later...and all I can say, because I'm unable to describe the multitude of emotions running though me, is that God deserves all the glory for the reconciliation and forgiveness that when on during that span of time. Suffice it to say, that I will have a place to stay with them through the end of this week. But the most important thing is that there is love, peace, and harmony in our relationship again. And that is the way it is supposed to be between family members and especially Christian brothers and sisters.

Five-Star Living

Wednesday, October 29, 2008
12:59am
Front Seat of Car, Random Parking Lot

So...I don't really know where to start. Um, I did something that normally would have been no big deal, but in my current situation, probably wasn't the smartest thing to do...
I parked my car in the driveway, and I was cold so I turned up the temperature a few degrees. Apparently I was supposed to know not to do this...yeh...anyway it's kinda hard for me to describe exactly what happened this morning without going into too much detail. The reason I don't want to go into that much detail is 'cuz I'm not the only one involved. But I do want to make something clear; I am here right now because I chose to be. I could be sleeping in a warm (or maybe cold, depending on who's running the temp) house, sleeping under a blanket on the floor; instead I'm shivering in my car, parked in some lot. (Lol, it's ok, I made sure it was a well lit parking lot)

For those of you who are wondering why any sane person would do this, I'm about to tell you...

God has blessed me with a sharp mind and a quick wit. Oh, and the willingness to share both with the world while shooting my mouth off. (Note to others: this has gotten me in trouble in the past. Note to self: repeat this line, "duct tape is good, it is beneficial to mankind") The last few months though, oh I have been the perfect model of patience and contrite humility. I say this laughing, 'cuz it hasn't been easy.

Um, I'm not going to tell ya'll everything I was hearing this morning, because to put it bluntly, I don't feel comfortable writing out the terms my step-grandfather used to express his feelings at the moment. (Don't worry. I didn't say anything back but, "I'm sorry" and, "yes sir". )

But there comes a point in everyone's life, when you have to make decisions. And this afternoon, I decided that there wasn't any reason for me to suffer the never-ending verbal abuse/humiliation/griping that I had been receiving simply for being there.

For those of you who want to know why I didn't say anything back, well the answer is simple.
Respect.
This is a classic case of where even if you don't respect the person, you respect the position. Another reason is the importance of strong (or at least in this case amiable) family relationships. I think that if I had said anything right then, with the way I was feeling inside, reconciliation would have been out of the question.

I do have a few points to make though... (now that I'm calm) ;-)

First, if the world is as hard and tough of a place as my step-grandfather has repeatedly (clarification: repeatedly=about every other sentence) told me every time he's upset about something, then I honestly don't think the world needs any help from him teaching me the definition or explaining that surprisingly new, refreshing and invigorating piece of knowledge.

Secondly, if he really believes what he's saying (and I think he does), shouldn't the home and family be the one place where the effect of the world's brutality doesn't reach? Sure I know that the earth isn't perfect, and that there are a lot of broken homes. But I can dismiss that line of reasoning easily with Romans 6:1,
"What shall we say then, shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?"
If anything, the home should be a place where love, peace, and encouragement abounds. Not a house of tension and petty griping.
(For all intents and purposes, living with my grandparents was my new home. In fact, it was originally my step-grandfather who said that he wanted me to come and live with them.)

As I close, (lol, five pages and it's sorta hard to write in the dark, and when your fingers are really cold) I can't help but think about what I've learned today. That is the whole purpose of this blog, you know. ;-)
Circumstances and people are fickle, (Oh wait, and add public opinion and the stock market to that list) so it's not a good idea to place your faith in something that changes by day. So for those of you who want to know the sure hand, I've got some news. There are things in this life you can count on (no it's not death and taxes in this case), for me, I've been discovering what I should have known all along. The surety of God's faithfulness to His children. To His family.

I know that ya'll will be reading this later, but if you would, please pray this out loud (I am right now) when you do read it.

"Dear God, first of all I just want to thank you for everything you've done in my life. I know that you have a purpose for me here, and I want to ask you for your grace to rejoice in my situation no matter the circumstances. Knowing that all that You do is for Your glory. Please keep me safe tonight, and also, I pray for everyone else out there, whatever their situation is, that needs Your protection as well. Thank you for bringing me this far, and Lord, please continue to change me. I know more that anyone else how much I need you.

I pray all this in the name of my Lord and Savior Christ Jesus,
Amen."

Random Explanations

This post is so that I won't have to answer these questions anymore...;-)

My username, "Saint Mike"...

I've been using this oxymoron ever since I started using computers...so for like the last ten years of my life? The name originates from my own name and the obvious reference to Michael the archangel...also, when I started using this name, it was because I wasn't the most mature ten year-old, and I might have verbally harassed and baited a few neighborhood kids....

My use of the term "fallen angel" under my blog name, is a shout-out to a story/book I wrote a few years back (that although imaginative, is completely untrue), about angels who at the beginning rebelled against God, but did not completely follow Lucifer. They were cast out of heaven, yet have no place in hell. They wander the earth, doing acts of kindness, trying to redeem themselves and find a place back in heaven.
It reminds me of the futility of achieving eternal life though good works alone.

My blog name, Paper Cuts of Life, refers to my job working in a bookstore and the frequent papercuts I receive there. The analogy further explains how although papercuts are painful, they are short-lasting, and serve a purpose in learning to be more careful. I was able to find a lot of parallels in my own life...